Friday, December 21, 2007

The Best Christmas Gift Ever

My dad's far away. He lives in San Diego. I haven't seen him since my wedding almost 8 years ago. But sometimes he calls me on my birthday. One year I told him how much I missed the sunsets back home. He told me he was going to send me one for my birthday. He did and it was fabulous. Today I received another one for Christmas. My Daddy sent me this:
It's the best Christmas present I could ever ask for. And it came just when I was feeling weepy and nostalgic, so the tears are still burning behind my eyes.

Merry Christmas everyone.

God Bless,

The Glamorous Redneck

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

The Day from Hades

Mondays and I have never gotten along well. I'm sure that I've said that here before. But yesterday has to be tops as the worst Monday in the history of forever!

It was all fine until I was finished with work and on my way home. I had a craving for beer cheese soup, so I figured I would just run in and out of the liquor store in town and grab (hopefully) a can of beer. Of course, they don't just sell cans of beer, so I had to buy a six pack. I was freaking out about the whole transaction because I just am not a drinker. Certainly not where I'd buy alcohol at the store in town. I'm not even really sure why I get so panicked about the thought of going in there, but I'd much rather have a margarita or a cosmo in semi-civ than anywhere in this town.

So, anyways, I make my brown-bagged purchase and go out to my van. A van which I had left running because it's freaking cold here and CB always tells me that it's bad on the engine to turn it off and on quick-like on cold weather days. What he failed to tell me, though, is that static electricity can make automatic door locks lock when you don't necessarily want them to (You can see where this is going, right?). I got to the door and tried to open it, only to find that it had magically (magic I now know as STATIC ELECTRICITY) locked itself. With my keys and cell phone inside.

I went back into the store and asked the oddly overfriendly clerk if I could use her phone to call a friend. I did and when my friend picked up the phone I explained the situation and asked her if she could please come and pick me up. "Where are you?" she asked. "Ummm. . . the liquor store." I replied.

This was met by much giggling on both of our parts, but she picked me up, I got home and made my beer cheese soup and it was FABULOUS! The kids didn't like it, but they don't like anything that isn't pre-processed or covered in spaghetti sauce.

Then, Diva told me that a birthday party she was supposed to go to last Friday--which was canceled because her friend got sick--was rescheduled for last night. So I tried to call the parents and got no answer. Then I called the pizza place and asked if there was a birthday party going on there. They said yes, so I assumed Diva was right and took her down to the pizza place. There WAS a party going on, but it was not the one that we were supposed to be going to.

By the time yesterday was over, I was just thankful that I had survived. So far today has been uneventful, so I'm attributing all the chaos that was yesterday to the fact that Mondays are the worst. day. ever.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

I Can Haz iCoaster?

When I was little, there was always a very, very, VERY long Christmas list of all the things I wanted Santa to bring me. But there was one year that there was just one thing on my list. The one thing I wanted more than anything in the whole wide world. What was it, you ask? A Cabbage Patch Kid.

Now, most of you are old enough to remember that right around the time when CPKs first came out, there was a HUGE craze for them. You couldn't find them anywhere. This happened to be the year that both my Aunt (she's only 4 years older) and I wanted one. So my mom and grandma both went traipsing about SoCal at the butt crack of dawn every Saturday morning from November on until they found a store with CPKs in stock. My Aunt and I both got what we wanted for Christmas.

Fast forward a few years to the Tickle Me Elmo insanity. That year was the first year that I went Black Friday shopping. There were grown women fighting in the toy isle over who got the last Tickle Me Elmo. There were women pushing and shoving to get in to the store. I seriously heard someone yell "I know where you live!" when someone cut in front of them. It was also the last year that I went shopping in that particular city on Black Friday.

I laughed at the insanity of it all "Ha ha!" thought I, "I am so glad that I am not having to do that. Besides, I would never go through THAT much trouble for my kid."

Guess what? I lied.

Fast forward yet again to this Holiday season. CJ has ONE thing and ONE thing only on his list. "Mommy, I know it's really, really, really expensive and I probably can't get it, but all I want for Christmas is an iCoaster." I agreed with him that it was expensive, but I secretly knew that we would get it for him. I'd seen them everywhere, and so I figured I would just wait until I got my Christmas bonus from work, then go buy the thing. Plus, I started looking on eBay to see if I could find the thing cheaper.

Now that it's time to actually START Christmas shopping, I could not find the damn toy anywhere! And on eBay, it's going for $150! I talked to a friend who's son told him the same thing and he informed me that a certain store DID have them in stock. So I called yesterday. Needless to say, they were all sold out. But I was determined! So I spent most of the day yesterday calling every store within a 150 mile radius. Every single one either had incompetent people in the toy department who didn't know what an iCoaster was, or they were out of stock. Finally at noon when I'd all but given up, I made one last call. Lo and behold, they had ONE left in stock. Ladies and gentlemen, I am now the proud owner of an iCoaster.

Now, there was no violence involved, but I never thought I would have to call ELEVEN different stores to find ONE stupid toy that will just take up more room in my already too small house and probably only be cool for about a week before CJ's done with it. But he will have the ONLIEST thing he wants for Christmas for the love of all things Good and Holy.

So, looking to earn some extra moolah? Find iCoasters and sell them on eBay. One even went for $180. At $60-$80 to buy, it's a pretty good turn around, don't you think?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Random things I want to yell at random people*

Just because it’s the way YOU would do things, doesn’t always make it the RIGHT way to do things.

Your last name means nothing outside of this city. Grow up and realize it.

If I have to hear about your stupid ego and all your denial one more time, I just may go postal.

You are an asshole. Anyone who cheats on their wife should be strung up by their balls and left for dead.

Why is it so difficult to be NICE to everyone?

Why do you treat people you barely know better than you treat your own flesh and blood?

Clean your rooms! Yesterday!

Get a job and get your life in order.

Stop calling me for advice.

Stop being so immature. Grow some gumption and move on with your life.

I promise I’m not having a meltdown. Just a little sampling of the drama that has been in my life as of late. And not really all of it belongs to me. I just hear things (which happens on occasion in a small town), and I’m sick of stupid crap. But do you think I can say anything about it to the people that are being stupid? That’s a big negatory.

So, aren’t you glad you stopped here today? You get to deal with Crazy Carrie and all her Drama.

I’ll be better after Thanksgiving, I promise.

*names have not been used in order to protect what little sanity I have left.

Friday, November 16, 2007

It's a smell. A smelly smell. A smelly smell that smells. . . .smelly.

For those of you that have already had babies, do you remember those pregnancy cravings (for those of you that haven’t had babies. . .just wait!)? How you’re all “I must have this one thing RIGHT NOW and if I don’t I will just continue to puke until you (DH) feel sorry enough for me to just go and get me some damn CHEESECAKE!!!”? Well, I have been blessed in the fact that those cravings never went away for me (no puking, however, so that’s a bonus) except they are a lot less often. But when they hit, I am OBSESSED with whatever I’m craving until I eat it and the craving is gone.

The last couple of weeks that craving has been for Chicken Fried Steak. I know, right? So not healthy, or really all that hard to make for that matter. But every time I was at the grocery store, I would forget. Until I got home and I was all “CRAP! The CHICKEN FRIED STEAK!” Wednesday, however, I finally remembered at the store, and while I was already planning dinner for that night, Thursday was just around the corner. Thursday, glorious Thursday!

I obsessed all day and as soon as it was time to start making dinner, I did a little happy dance out to the kitchen. I made my mashed potatoes, country style gravy, and buttered corn. Then I popped the CFS into the oven and set the timer. Everything was going according to plan. . .

When the timer buzzed, I made my way back out there and popped open the oven door. An odd colored smoke (blue-ish gray-ish brown-ish) came billowing out. Now, while I’m no Rachel Ray and have been known to burn a thing or two in my time, it really is near impossible to burn CFS patties. I looked at them and they didn’t look burnt. So I pulled them out and THAT’S when I noticed it. The little blue and red pool of melted plastic on the bottom of the oven. That’s when I established what the funky, yet familiar, smell was that had been permeating the kitchen since I opened the oven door.

Turns out CJ had left his prized eraser (he’d just gotten it for taking a reading test & getting a good grade on it) on my table. When I put the pan on the table before putting it in the oven, the eraser must have stuck to the bottom of the pan and fallen off when it started heating up.

Imagine if you will, the scene in A Christmas Story where Ralphie’s dad has been looking forward to the Turkey all Christmas morning, only to have it be devoured by Bumpass’ dogs. While there were no dogs present in my story, THAT’S the devastation that I felt.

And we ended up having Chinese afterwards. Which is good, but still not CFS.

CJ felt horribly bad, so I shared the story about the time I made my mom go on an Easter egg hunt and I hid an egg in the oven. She didn’t find it and I forgot about it. Until she started preheating the oven. Needless to say, we had a good laugh about it and I made my chiropractor laugh so hard she couldn’t even adjust me. So, it all turned out all right in the end, I guess. And after a mid-day full of people dumping bad news on me, I really needed to laugh.

How about you? Any good plastic-in-the-oven tales to share?

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The One Without a Title

So CB and I have been on a "Friends" kick lately. It started this summer when we came across it on one of the cable channels from 10:00 - 11:00 at night. This has not boded well for us. Because we are old and we were usually asleep by 10:15, 10:30 at the latest. Now we are up until 11:00 or later because I had forgotten just how damn funny that show is. And CB had never really watched it.

But then! Technology FINALLY made it's way out here! We have a DVR cable box! I can record "Friends" every time it is on! And watch it when I am awake and the children are not!

I am totally understanding why people call their TiVo their boyfriend/girlfriend. I can ask it to do whatever I want it to! And it will do it! The FIRST time! With NO ARGUMENT! It's the best relationship a girl could ask for!

In other news, I met with an advisor yesterday to find out exactly how bad off I was. Turns out I do not have to retake speech, which made me very happy. Because while I am much more opinionated now than I was when I took it the first time around, the thought of having to take it as a lecture with 100 other people (I took it as a college class when I was a Senior in HS, along with 10 of my very best friends and 10 other people that I at least knew) was a little daunting.

I do, however, have to take Psychology again. This sucks. For some reason, all that crap just shoots right over the top of my head. The first time I took it as an independent study class (again in HS) and was in tears by the end of the second chapter of the book because it just didn't make sense. The second time I took it, I ended up getting knocked up and so I felt like crap and wasn't able to concentrate. But, third time's a charm, right? Hopefully that's the case with Biology as well since I've taken that one twice too. Gah. Now I remember why I quit the first time.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Your Pressing Questions Answered

What's this? Viewer MAIL???? Well, I shall do my best to answer the questions that you asked me:

Courtney asked:
So what DO you want to be when you grow up?

Well, I intend on getting a degree in Elementary Education (see, I bet you all think I'm even crazier now, don't you?) with the intention of teaching upper elementary. But I'm learning that I have to take more crappy generals, so I'm feeling a little deflated. Although, I basically am starting as a Junior, so if I could go full time, I'd be done in 2-2 1/2 years. Now I'm looking at a five year plan since I can only go half time. Unless one of you is independently wealthy and wants to hand me about $50 thousand to get me through the next five years. Any takers?

Jen asked:

I need to know: Have you always taken dance, or is this something that you just recently decided to do? Because I used to want to be a Fly Girl, and secretly I actually still DO want to be a Fly Girl, except that In Living Color isn't on anymore, and I don't have any professional training. BUT! I want to dance the Lyrical dance. I do! I DO! So spill it!

This is only my second year of taking dance. I took ballet for about a year when I was 5, but Muppet Babies was on at the same time as class, so I had to drop it. A girl's gotta have her priorities, don'tchyaknow. It's so fun and so challenging, so I wouldn't trade any of it for anything in the whole wide world. And if I can do it, anyone can do it. So, my dear, get thee to a dance studio in your town and find out if they offer adult classes. If they don't, then be like me and throw a temper tantrum until you get your way. They'll come around eventually.

Also, I totally wanted to be a Fly Girl too! This is just another reason why you are such a cool kid. :)

Finally, Baseball Mom asked:

Glad you had fun in our neck of the NW...sounds like you saw all the cool stuff! Have to know what you thought of Mt. St.'s still cool, but was REALLY cool right after the eruption.

I'm very sad to say that I lost out on the whole Mt. St. Helen's thing. Turns out CB and I were the only ones that were really interested in going there. GQ (The BIL) suggested the beach or Mt. Regnier instead. And I was all about going to the beach, so that's where we ended up going on that day. But I'm totally going back and THEN I will get to Mt. St. Helen's.

Now, if I would have been smart, I would have saved each one of these questions for their own individual post. But now that I'm done writing, I'm so not going to go a cuttin' and pastin'. So there you have it. Maybe I'll elaborate on these more throughout the week. Plus, I have to share my new music obsession--I'm learning to play the congas. It's slow, but not nearly as slow as it was to try guitar. In fact, I may be playing them at church on Sunday. We'll have to see how bad I suck it up at practice.

So ta ta for now. I'm at work and they just had a diesel bus in the shop. Which means that my office is wreaking of diesel fumes and I have a headache.

But ask more questions! I'm all about the viewer mail! ;)

Friday, November 09, 2007

Carrie = Slacker (Now with 20% more pictures)

So. I suck. See my pathetic attempt at trying to post again will come in the form of various rundowns with my trademarked side tangents that will most likely turn your brain into an oozing wad of mush. But stay with me anyway! Because the mush, it’s GOOD!

The past month in a rundown:

Seattle = AWESOME! I totally want to move there and become jaded and sick of the rain and shop at Pike’s Market every damn day of my life. But the sad thing? I’m the only coffee drinker in our little troupe, so I did not get to a Starbucks whilst in the Holy Land. I did, however, make the most awesomest of sand castles that now looks a little like Diva and I created a Boobie Project. But it was October, which is Boobie Awareness month, so I figure we’re totally cool with it. Case in point:

CJ and I also built a sand castleVOLCANO which now looks a little disturbing to me. Especially with the lighter colored sandLAVA oozing out the top.

Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe = One of the coolest/freakiest places I’ve ever been. Am still shuddering at the thought of being able to purchase a shrunken head for the bargain basement price of $12.99. And! They forever eeked their way into my heart because they sold Mexican Jumping Beans! Those are only the coolest bug infested beans in the whole wide world!

OK, I promise there will be a whole big post on Seattle somewhere down the line, so I’m going to stop talking about it and all its loveliness.

Dance Class = TOO HARD! Seriously. I took great pride in how effortlessly I caught on to tap, considering the only dancing I’ve ever done has been ridiculous and fake. And the tap is still pretty easy to me. But LYRICAL? Lyrical is hard stuff, people. You have to be all “graceful” and “precise” and I’m all “not graceful” and “a little clumsy”. So, you can imagine my conundrum. But I’m getting it. It’s just not as natural as my cocky-self thought it was going to be.

Halloween = Fun! I had a Zorro and a 50’s girl to take trick-or-treating. They are officially the coolest kids. Ever. We got so many compliments over the fact that they were not one of eighty-five Spidermans or whore-y American Idol wanna-bes. Yeah. My kids rock. SO there. Didn’t need strangers to tell me that!

Glamorous Redneck = Marginally insane! Why, you ask? Because I’m officially re-enrolled as a college student. Yes, at the tender age of 27, I’ve finally decided what I want to be when I grow up. And I got my transcripts from College 1.0 and am sick at how much of a slacker I was. I got good grades in the classes I liked, and like actually WENT to, but the rest of them. . . .blech.

I’ve done various other things throughout the month, but there you have the highlights. And maybe it’s better for me to post this way. Once a month rundown of the things that are actually interesting instead of stupid day to day nothingness.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

I can't quit you

I was totally going to be done. Again. I was just going to keep on reading all of your blogs and let mine sort of fall by the wayside. But then I remembered how nice it is to have this little on-line memento of how my days progress and all the crazy things that go on around here. My mind is a lovely little pool of jell-o lately, but here's a few random thoughts to get you through until I get back from Seattle.

-I hate the terrorists. Hate hate hate. I hate that I can only have one little zip-loc bag full of liquid-y things. Granted this is only a three day trip, but I have a lot of liquid-y things (did you know that MASCARA is considered a liquid? The heck?)

-I have crammed all of my things into one carry on bag. It's still not full yet, which causes me unending joy because I can bring a second pair of shoes! (It's the little things, people. Trust me).

-I am taking dance again. We're learning TWO dances this year, so I'm super excited.

-Ballet is much harder than Tap. Seriously because your feet move fast enough in tap that you can kind of flub your way through it and it's not the end of the world if you miss a little thing here and there.

-We leave for Seattle in two days. I am already officially done with family drama and want to just get there already.

-I am going to Mt. St. Helen's. This pleases me more than you know.

-We have been so verra busy that it's hard to find time to do anything, let alone blog.

-Jeff Dunham is freaking hilarious!

-The Asian beetles (think ladybugs only slightly less pretty and a whole lot a stinky when killed) and The Boxelder bugs are driving me to the brink of insanity. Nothing is more annoying than hearing that little "tick tick" as the little bastards hit themselves against the light bulb. Repeatedly.

So, that's it. I promise that I will be filling my camera with pretty pictures & will be sure to post them when I get back. And maybe by that point, things will have slowed down around here and I'll get back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Until then. . .

Monday, September 17, 2007


This weekend I met up with The Ex. And it was surprisingly uneventful. There wasn’t that silly little flutter that I’ve had every other time I’ve seen him since the first day I met him.

I had been really nervous because, well, he is THE Ex. Three years ago when I saw him, he looked exactly like he did in high school. Only older with more muscles. And while I don’t look ENTIRELY different, I have evidently maintained the weight I gained from both pregnancies & so am wider than I was then. So this was really picking at me because even though there’s no doubt in my mind I’m with who I’m supposed to be with, there’s still that little piece of me that wants him to be like “Damn! I let THAT ONE get away!?” which is probably the same feeling most girls have about their boys from high school.

Needless to say, I hadn’t really wanted to see him because of my own insecurities, but when I walked up to him, I felt this huge release. Like it is OK that I don’t look the same way as I did when I was 17. And my entire demeanor has changed because of it. I guess I was fretting over the whole ordeal since the first email I got from him saying he was back in the area. So now, I have a whole new outlook on life!

In other news, I booked our flights to see GQ in Seattle. I still can’t believe that we’re going because the Redneck fam is so not the kind of people that make big plans like this and follow them through. It’s amazing! I’ve always wanted to go to Seattle, so I’m super excited. Even if it is with the Redneck Mom and Dad.

Anyone have any requests for sightseeing pictures? We’re only there for a couple of days, so I’m not going to get a lot of tourist-y time, but I’ll do my best!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Mini Vans are PUNK!

So, most of you are aware of the whole Mini Van debacle of '07. If you're not, I own one. It's tragic and I never thought I would, but I totally do. So there.

Anyway, CB and I have been laughing about it a lot lately because, well, we have some very odd taste in music. When asking the kids what CD to put in, we most often get a response asking for this:

Or this:

And when the hubs and I are in the van by ourselves, he usually puts in someone like this:

Why have we been laughing, you ask? Well, it's because I have this hilarious image of people who look and think like people who own mini vans are "supposed" to look gasping at us in horror as we drive down the street, windows down and one of the above artists blaring throughout the vehicle. Because, surprisingly, my van has a kick-ass stereo system!

So, between the music we play, my uber-cool pink turtle on the back end, and the fact that CB usually dresses like he could be up on stage with one of those people, we have turned the fam-mobile into the punk-mobile. And so maybe--JUST MAYBE--I don't hate it quite as much as I could. . .

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


I was going to post yesterday. But then it occurred to me that all I would be posting would be a whole lot of nothing. I realized what day yesterday was. And I chose to avoid it until after the kids went to bed last night. Then I watched MSNBC’s airing of the original Today show from 9/11/01.

It also occurred to me that there are probably a lot of people who don’t think that MSNBC should air it anymore. That it brings back too many painful memories. I disagree. I WANT to remember how I felt that day. I WANT to try and put it all into perspective. I don’t want to forget the memories. Because I want to be able to share them with the kids when they are older. They were 2 and almost 3 months old when it happened. So while they can say they were alive, there’s nothing there for them. So when they start studying it, I want to be able to convey the fear, the hopelessness, the pain, the sadness, and the resolve that began on that day and continued for quite a while afterwards. And my heart still breaks for the people that experienced it first hand. It is my dream city, always has been, so to see something so iconic crumble to nothing was mind-boggling. I can’t imagine what it was like to KNOW those buildings. To KNOW the people in those buildings and stand there unable to do anything. It kills me. But that doesn’t mean I want to pretend that it never happened.

I want to remember those feelings so I don’t get bitter about the little things. So I watched and I remembered and reflected. And reminded myself that life isn’t about the stupid stuff that drives me crazy from day to day.

So, that’s just my thoughts on the whole thing. What do you think? Agree or disagree? Should all the video, pictures, survivor accounts, etc. be shoved to the side until they’re entered into some text book 25 years down the road?

Friday, September 07, 2007

Didjya think I'd joined the circus?

Well, I didn't. I survived the last few days of summer vacation and maybe even enjoyed them. Last Friday I went to see Reba in concert. She was awesome. Melissa Peterman (Barbara Jean from Reba's TV show) did a stand up act as an opener and she was hilarious! Diva and Glamorous Mom got their picture taken with her after the concert (Reba had already left) and Diva got her autograph on a HUGE sign that my mom jacked from the concert venue. Seriously, it's a sick obsession with my mom and her friend. This sign is probably a good eight feet long. I have no idea what I'm going to do with the thing!

The rest of the weekend was mostly uneventful with me having a head cold and feeling like crap for most of it. But we still had a good time. Monday Diva I spent three hours (THREE HOURS!) cleaning her room. I even got to rearrange it (which I love. It's my sick obsession). So now her room is spotless, everything has a drawer or box of some sort in which to belong. We'll just see how long she keeps it that way.

Tuesday was, well, BLISS! It was so nice to get back to a regular routine. And while I didn't dance out of the school after dropping them off, I am much, much happier to see my little ones at the end of the day. And I get my couple of hours to myself to do things like go have coffee with my friends and read without interruption. I think we're all a lot happier.

And, as if school starting wasn't enough good news for the week, we found out that GQ (CB's oldest younger brother. Dresses like he just stepped out of a GQ mag) is coming home from Iraq in the very near future! We're all much relieved that the end is near since he wasn't supposed to be done for another month.

So, that's about all that's going on with us. I was all gung-ho on starting the weight loss plan this week, but that just didn't happen. So NEXT week we'll start being healthy.

Now, a question for you. What's your take on vlogging? I have access to the ability, and was thinking that it would be a fun way to incorporate things here, but I was thinking GRDBBG (the weight loss blog) would be more effective and real if I'm doing video posts instead of just writing. So, thoughts? Questions, comments, or concerns?

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Hello! I Didn't Die!

That's it. The business of summer is behind me! I'm so happy I could cry! I've been working at least an extra half hour every day, if not an hour. Although I did get a free breakfast out of it, I'm wiped. But! Only a few more days until school starts and I get my afternoons back to myself! And this weekend is not busy! I'm going to Reba tomorrow night. And that is our only plans. Saturday will be spent catching up on the cleaning that is in dire need in this house!

The birthday party was awesome. Probably the easiest one we've done so far. Slime cake was deliciously disgusting:
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

So disgusting, in fact, that there were a couple kids who just couldn't bring themselves to eat it! And now my little man is 8 years old. Doesn't seem like it should be possible, but at the same time, it kind of seems like I've had him my whole life.

On Saturday we went fishing, and I caught a HUGE fish. Not eatable by my standards, but a ginormous one at any rate:
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

And speaking of this picture, it's disgusted me to the point that once school starts and I get my me time back, I'm hitting the diet thing HARD. So I've started another
blog called "Glamorous Redneck does Body by Glamour". I've been looking at the info about it in my magazine every month, and it seems like the most viable. More of a lifestyle change than actual diet. And I know we need to eat better, so it just makes sense.

There's nothing there yet, but starting next Tuesday, I'll be blogging over there too. And it'll be very honest. This will certainly not be the worst picture ever taken of me. So, if you feel like you could stand to lose a few, and you want to come along for the ride, check it out! I could always use a little moral support! Plus, the more the merrier, right?

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Disappearing GR

Hey, so I kind of disappeared again there, didn't I? It's that time of year where I'm busy at work, busy at home, and just plain busy.

This weekend one of my very best friends (and the last of my bridesmaids) got married. Diva was her flower girl and I was one of her personal attendants. And it poured rain for the better part of the day. Thank GOD I had a huge golf umbrella to transport girls with fancy hair from the vehicle to the church completely unscathed! Diva looked like royalty, as did the bride. It was such a hurried day, and before I knew it, I was sufficiently pissed off at CB (he will not dance. Ever. I threatened bodily harm at our wedding if he didn't dance. Evidently I need to do this at every dancing opportunity.) and the day was over.

Sunday I was exhausted, but we still managed to get to my mom's house and get the children back from her. Then I napped.

Today I'm having lunch with my favorite cousin and then watching the finale of America's Got Talent. Because the guy with the puppets is related to someone that goes to my church. And holy Hannah, he's MEGA talented. If he doesn't win this thing, my lack of faith in the American voting society will be cemented. Because, seriously, anyone can sing. And there's another ridiculous show for that. You three AGT singers will probably get recording contracts anyway, so why not give the $1 million to the guy who really IS the most talented? There, I've plead my case.

This weekend CJ will be turning 8 years old. We're having a Dirty Jobs themed party, complete with slime cake (a la the Nickelodeon Magazine commercials of the early 90's) and swamp sludge punch. I'm excited because I'm a big old nerd who would plan parties professionally if there were a market for it out here!

So I promise I'll get back to all of your blogs again this week. I just can't promise that posting will be anymore than sporadic until school starts.

Monday, August 13, 2007

A Fair to Remember

So, the tractor pull was just as I had suspected--sucky. The modified ones that looked like drag racers were cool, but since there was only 4 of them and it was a 4 hour show, I didn't really think it was worth the sore arse that came along with sitting on wooden bleachers for that long.

Saturday was super fun, though! Diva and I started off at a tea party where we ate divine food and had wonderful company. Then we picked up our four extra kids and headed off to the fair again. It's really cool because Home Depot always sets up a booth there on Saturday where the kids can build things like pencil boxes, butterfly houses, and race cars for free. My kids love it and the other four did too. The only thing that really sucked was the weather. It rained in the middle of the night, so it was steamy. 90 with 90% humidity at least. It was one of those days that you start dripping sweat as soon as you walk out of the air conditioning. Sucked.

Anyway, we wandered around looking at stuff, watched some lumberjacks race against each other, then we headed down to look at the Belgian horses. Belgians are big like Clydesdales. I think the smallest one was 1500 pounds. Diva usually loves this part because she's a huge horse fan. But the poor thing got BITTEN by one of the horses:
I took the pic this morning, so it looks lots better. But if you look, you can see the freaking TEETH MARKS the thing left on my baby. She was shaking and screaming and so scared. I hated it because I didn't know what to do for her! Plus I hadn't been right there (this was on CB's watch, of course!) so there was no way I could have stopped it.

Granted, the horse was blind in one eye and she came up to him on that side with her arm in the air, but still! She got BITTEN by a HORSE! We're just lucky she didn't get her shoulder broken.

We recovered from that, and the Demo Derby was awesome! We saw a car blow up (drive was safe), another car hop on top of one, and some pretty cool paint jobs on the cars. It was done a lot earlier this year than it was last year, but that was probably a good thing because we had six very hot and very tired children on our hands. I was certainly reminded why we stopped at two.

Yesterday CB had one more request and that was to go to a threshing show. For those of you that have not experienced one of these, let me save you the trouble. Lots of older gentlemen fix up tractors that they used to ride on with their grandpas. Then they drive them around and show how the old wheat threshing machines work. So there, now you can say you know what a threshing show is. Waste of time and cut into my nap time.

Then I did my little co-hosting gig with Mr. Fab and ended up staying up until 3 this morning because evidently it's not a good idea to drink a Rockstar energy drink and a bottle of Coke in the same day. Unless, of course, you're planning to stay up for three days.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

I Survived!

The radio show went well and I had lots of fun talking with Mr. Fab, Turnbaby, Turnbaby's DH & Shelli. You can listen here. I don't know how to embed the little player in my post, but if you go to that website and click on the archived shows, mine is August 12th.

So, it was lots of fun, and I'm so glad that I did it! Plus, Mr. Fab says I'm the nicest co-host that he's ever had, so he automatically scored extra cool points.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Glamorous CONTEST!

This is one of the few weekends of the year that I actually embrace the whole "redneck" thing. Semi-Civ has its County Fair this weekend, which means FAIR FOOD! Fried cheese curds, mini donuts, pork chops on a stick (don't knock 'em, they're DELISH!), and various other artery-clogging goodness. It also means it's time for the demo derby.

The first time CB tried to convince me that a demo derby would be fun, I was like psssh, wtf-ever. Please, let me pay money to go watch cars crash together. But I was outnumbered and so we headed up to the racetrack. And it was a blast! I want to go BE a demo driver! We've gone the past three years, and the kids can hardly wait for tomorrow night. Their favorite part? When the cars fishtail towards the crowd and spew mud up at all of us. Ok, so maybe I think that's kinda fun too.

They've outnumbered me again this year, and are making me go to the tractor pull tonight. Again, no interest whatsoever. Do you think I could convince them to just drop me off at the mall while they went and watched loud tractors pull a bunch of weights? Of course not. So, I'm trying to being open-minded. But I don't have my hopes up.

Also, make sure you tune in to Mr. Fab's weekly radio show where Yours Truly will be his guest host. I'm nervous, but excited. But I'll be even more excited if some of you will either call in or IM Mr. Fab with questions. Like, if you're reading this and you have a question asked on the radio show, I'll enter you in a drawing for something that is as yet to be determined because I just thought of this right now. But trust me, it'll be cool. So. Got a question you're just dying to ask? Click on Mr. Fab's website and look for instructions on how to get your voice heard! Then listen, and email me at the address over ---> there with your snail mail address and I'll pick a winner on Monday.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

A Case of the Funk

I've been in quite a bit of a rut lately. It sucks because there's like this huge creative tidal wave going on in my head, but none of it can come out. I want to write, but every time I sit down and try to, I'm left with fingers that won't move and ideas that will not come out from underneath the wave.

Maybe it's the late summer blues. While we're booked every weekend until school starts, the weeks are long and boring. Too hard to do anything because I work in the middle of the day. Too hot to do anything because the humidity and I still don't get along so well. So here we sit. Inside. Making the kids do schoolwork (Ha ha! EVIL MOTHER!) so they don't go back and spend the first week of school drooling because they don't remember anything.

In other news, I went to the optometrist a couple of weeks ago and my eyesight had improved so much that he had never seen anything like it. So, of course, I had to get new glasses:
Don't you think they make me look smarter??? OK so maybe not, but I LOVE them! They go along with the whole 50's-60's obsession I've had lately.

Diva and I went to see Hairspray again this weekend with Redneck Sister. Diva said it was the best. movie. ever. She went dancing up the isle at the end of it and can't wait to buy it on video! It's so cute to watch her fall in love with musicals. Does this nerdy mom's heart good!

Tuesday, August 07, 2007


We were going to get out of town for a couple of days this past weekend, but I couldn't find anything that wasn't shady for less than $100 and if I'm going to pay that much, it's going to be downtown Minneapolis.

Anyway, it reminded me of staying at hotels with various people for various reasons. There is always a funny story that happens at the hotel, and I was reminded of one in particular.

It was my birthday weekend and some friends and I had headed up to the cities for a concert. We had gotten a really good deal on a hotel that was pretty decent. My mom was along too (seriously, she's the coolest mom EVAH!), and she had made the reservation, so she got the keys and we headed up to the room.

When the four of us walked in, we were surprised that there was only one bed. My mom and another friend quickly laid claim to the bed of course. But I hopped on it too. I was surprised to find two CDs on the bedside table. So, I started to investigate. I also came across some used chapstick and a book in the drawer. "Hmm," I thought "maybe the maids haven't cleaned yet."

Then someone opened the dresser drawer and discovered men's underwear. And in the bathroom there was an electric shaver and various other sundries.

"Aaah! We're in the WRONG ROOM!" Friend screamed. My mom said that she would go down and get it all squared up. But (stupid us!) we stayed IN THE ROOM. Friend 1 really had to use the bathroom, so we hustled her along so that we could get out of there.

Sure enough, just as we were opening the door, there was the guy who belonged in the room. Imagine his surprise when he saw three strange women in his room! We quickly apologized and continued to as we made our way out of his room. After he shut his door, Mom made her way back up and we got inside the correct room, just in time to collapse in fits of laughter. I have never had anything like that happen and we've stayed in a whole lot of hotels!

Then, the next morning, Mom got up to use the shower, only there was no water. None. It turned out that there was a huge water main break somewhere and the entire hotel was out of water. They offered us bottled water with which to brush our teeth. Or we could hop on a bus and get taken to another hotel to shower there.

We elected to use the bus because all of us use lots of hairspray and when one sleeps on a hairspray'd head, one looks quite similar to the bride of Frankenstein in the morning. So imagine four overtired (some slightly hungover) women with hair going every which way climbing onto a bus in their pajamas just to be able to shower.

Luckily, the hotel we were driven to was a Sheraton--which has the most comfortable beds in the whole hotel industry--so I got a little bit more sleep whilst the others were primping and priming. Because while I wear more makeup and styling products than them, I've got it all nailed down to about 15 minutes on a high-maintenance day. The other girls that were along take AN HOUR to get ready. And that's just hair!

Your turn. . .any crazy hotel stories?

Friday, August 03, 2007

Ladies, Know Your Boobies

Nothing I could ramble about today would be nearly as important as this post on Inflammatory Breast Cancer. So, ladies, go read it now. All of you: forward it on, post it on your blog. Let your mom/sister/grandma/great Aunt Bettie twice removed know about this type of very dangerous breast cancer.

And know your boobies. So you know when something changes.

Thursday, August 02, 2007


So, in case you live under a rock, I'm sure you heard about the tragedy that hit this state today. While I'm two hours away from it all, I have been on that bridge so many times. I'm shocked. I'm worried for the many friends I have up there that haven't posted anything on myspace or anything. I know I'm overreacting and that they're most likely fine, but I won't feel completely OK until I have actually heard from each and every one of them telling me that I'm paranoid and overreacting.

I was just glued to the TV last night. I couldn't get over how big that bridge was and the fact that it's all just a big pile of rubble now. I'm so thankful that more people weren't hurt, but even though they decreased the death toll, I'd be stupid and naive to think that it was going to stay that low.

None of it seems all that real to me. So I just stay glued to the computer, refreshing and checking emails, waiting for them to tell me that they're all OK.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

You Can't Stop the Beat!

Evidently it's movie week here at Glamorous Redneck.

Last night I had a very much deserved Girl's night out to see Hairspray! with one of my very dear friends. It was AWESOME! I had seen the original movie, but it was years ago and so it was like seeing it for the first time. Plus, since it was a movie, then Broadway, and now a movie based on the Broadway show, it was probably different from the first movie too.

The songs were so good and the costumes were to DIE for! Friend and I were contemplating how to make dresses of our own. The voices were amazing, as were the actors.

Afterwards we headed to Applebee's for 1/2 price appetizers and I had a perfect margarita that was. . .well. . .perfect. I didn't get home until midnight and couldn't sleep because the songs just kept running through my head! I really COULDN'T stop the beat! lol

Diva was very determined to find out if it was an OK movie for her to see, so she felt it necessary to wake me up not once. not twice. but THREE TIMES to see if I was awake yet and find out if the movie would be OK. And that was after twice coming in my room to get clothes out of the laundry baskets.

The worst part of all of that is that this is an old house. An old house that doesn't have normal doors. The door to my bedroom has some sort of weird spring thing in the doorknob mechanism. The kids have yet to grasp the art of closing this door (turn knob, push door, hold with foot, unturn knob) so instead of doing it, they will slam the door. And when slamming the door just makes it come open again, they slam it again. And again. Until they slam it so hard it sounds like an A-Bomb went off outside my room and I'm awake for the day. Hmmmm. Maybe they do this on purpose. . .

Tuesday, July 31, 2007


I really don't follow the NBA. Or hockey, soccer, or even much of baseball for that matter. I have a general knowledge (probably more than most girls I know) about how each of the games run and I try to keep up with at least who is on the Minnesota teams' starting lineups. And I will read the sports headlines if they look like they include a name I recognize. Yesterday there was one that said Kevin Garnett of the Minnesota Timberwolves was getting traded to Boston. This surprises me because I always kind of pictured him as a franchise player. But it doesn't surprise me because the glory days of the 'Wolves being a force to be reckoned with are long gone and he pretty much was the only guy who did anything outstanding.

The whole professional sports thing just really bothers me lately. Seriously, these guys are being paid an insane amount of money to play a sport that they love while I make my measly little salary doing something that I never in a million years imagined I would do. And it certainly isn't my passion!

Even when I was little I remember there being one or two big names that would stay with a team for their entire career. And it's so sad how these people are so concerned with making more money or getting that big championship ring that they will not even put up a fight when their ownership talks trade.

I guess it's sad to me because the lesson that they are teaching the kids that look up to them. There's no such thing as loyalty anymore. You just take off for the highest bidder or the one that promises you everything that you've always dreamed of instead of just sticking with what you start and trusting that it takes time to build things.

I don't know, maybe I'm just being hyper-sensitive (like a crabby old man "back in my day. . .") to the whole thing, but all these people who make more money than they could ever spend who then turn around and get busted for drugs. Or drinking and driving. Or freaking dog fighting (what's up with THAT?) really just piss me off.

Monday, July 30, 2007


When I was little, I really had the best of both worlds. I lived in this awesome apartment complex and there was a group of us (it varied between 6-10 kids, depending upon who was there and who had moved on) that would play together every day. The boys were always willing to play house with us and us girls were always willing to get down and dirty and play our made up game Navy Seals.

The boys got me hooked on these fun little toys called Transformers. My favorite was Bumblebee and my all-time favorite was, of course, Optimus Prime. I had a few of my own, but I had always wanted my very own Optimus. Naturally, he was way too expensive for my mom (who was single at the time) to buy for me.

When I heard they were making the transformers movie, I was so excited! Then I heard that they were making Bumblebee into a freaking Camero and I was PISSED! I hate when these things are remade and don't stick to the authentic version! I was going to boycott it out of respect for the cartoons.

Then I saw the previews during the trailers before the Pirates movie, and I decided there was no way I was missing that thing! I was still mad that they'd changed my favorite character, but the effects looked too good to miss.

Yesterday, after much begging and pleading that the movie would be cheapened if we didn't get to see it on the big screen and watching the how it was made little things on TV, CB finally concurred that we needed to go see the movie.

Let me tell you, I am totally over them changing Bumblebee. Because that car was AWESOME! And Bumblebee was still awesome.

Seriously, if you can, you HAVE to get to that movie in the theaters! When it was over, I wanted to sit through it again. The effects are insane, the storyline is awesome, Josh Duhamel is drool-worthy as usual and the cars are INSANE! Also, did I mention that the effects are awesome?

Anyway, enough about that. I haven't talked about this yet, but I'll be doing an interview with Mr. Fab himself on Sunday August 12th. I'll give you more details as it gets closer, but mark your calendars so you can listen in and call in with questions. Don't leave me hanging there all by myself!!! :)

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The De-Glamorfication of GR

July 3rd marked the 12th anniversary of yours truly moving out here to Podunk. And it occurred to me the other day just how much living here has effected my fashion choices. The first evidence of this began on the first day of school here. My entire life I (along with most of my friends) dressed in our best attire for the first day of school. I remember scouring clothing racks for back to school clothes, trying so hard to find The Perfect outfit. It's the whole "make a good first impression thing" at its finest.

So when I moved here, I luckily had a cousin to show me the ropes. I had a perfectly dressy outfit picked out for the first day of school. She and I were making small-talk as she showed me around the school (seriously, the high school here is a freaking MAZE! You need a college degree to navigate it properly. Or just have grown up here, but whatever!). Anyways, I asked her what she was planning on wearing the first day of school and she was all "eh, I don't know. Probably just a T-shirt and jeans." And I died a little inside. Why?!?!? Why would you just throw on any old thing and call it good? Now that I think about it, I suppose it's because out here everyone already knows everyone else, so there's not really that NEED for a good first impression.

I'll have you know that I settled for a slightly-less-dressy but nowhere near t-shirt and jeans first day of school outfit.

But today I was thinking about what's dressy out here as opposed to, say, Minneapolis. The only place where people actually dress up for work is at the banks. And even then, khaki's are acceptable. Most places of business are the jeans and maybe a polo kind of place.

So, is this the way it is today? Have we become that casual of a society? Or is it just out here in Podunk that this sort of fashion is acceptable?

It has effected me. More so than I had realized. I do work in a t-shirt and jeans type place, but I'm totally fine with that. I still dress up when I feel like it, but when I do, I feel awkward and overdressed. It drives me crazy, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let this place completely turn me into an uber-casual person with no thought put into their wardrobe whatsoever!

Monday, July 23, 2007

Summer Bright Spot

From mid-July to mid-August the weather here is stifling. It isn't uncommon to have weeks like the one we're having now where the temps are 90+ with 95% humidity. And I hate HATE hate humidity. But this is my favorite part of summers in Minnesota for one reason and one reason alone: SWEET CORN!!

I know it's coming when the little street stands start popping up. Then, before we know it, the pickup trucks start pulling into gas stations with beds full of delicious Minnesota sweet corn. And I know you can get corn on the cob anywhere in the world, but there is nothing that tastes quite as good as the fresh-off-the-stalk lovliness of the stuff they grow here.

The first time I had it was when my brother and I came out here from VA to spend a summer with my grandma. I remember her being so excited because it was almost time for the corn to ripen and I was all "who cares? You can buy it in the freezer section at the grocery story year-round!"

And then I tasted it. For that blissful four weeks time, we ate corn on the cob with every meal. In fact, some nights is WAS our meal. It was a slow night if the five of us only went through a dozen ears. After that summer, I was hooked. So it was my little bright spot when we moved here (at least I'll get sweet corn again!), and has been the one thing that keeps me going all through the summer every year since then.

Yesterday we finally got our first batch. And this weekend we'll be eating as much as we can jam down our throats. Not to mention that Redneck Mom should be calling us up to their farm to pick some more.

Soon it'll all be gone, and we'll be so tired of corn that we won't eat it for a good two months. But for right now, it's my little bright spot that makes the crappy weather just a little more bearable.

Does your region of the globe grow anything that you look forward to?

Friday, July 20, 2007

Topical Depression

The thing I hate most about the dreams about The Ex is it makes me all wistful and nostalgic. Not because of him, but because of what he represents. High School. No responsibility. Hot make out sessions with the anticipation that you can get caught at any second. OK, so those still happen on occasion, but you get my point, right? ;)

Anyway, when I get wistful and nostalgic, I usually break out my high school pictures, look them over a few dozen times and then I'm good in a couple of days. However, since I'm at my dad's house, I have an even better form of torture: Home Videos. So last night, I sat down with a box of Kleenex and hit play. I watched my brother's first kindergarten performance, a couple of Christmases Past, CB and my wedding dance, and a couple of choir concerts. But then I found a tape that had my Grandma's house after a horrible flood that destroyed it. And after the obligatory insurance video, there was my grandma. So excited about her new house and giving my aunt a virtual tour of it. That's when I lost it.

My grandma was an amazing woman. She was the absolute best woman that I have ever known. We never had to question how much she loved us and her birthday cards were the stuff memories are made of. Every year, she would write a note about how excited she was the day I was born (so excited she went through half a loaf of bread because she kept burning it. And she would tell me how proud she was of me and how much she loved me. And she did this for everyone that she held close to her heart) and every year it would make me blubber. That first birthday without her was horrible. My mom tries--and does the same thing--but it's not the same as seeing Grandma's perfectly messy conglomeration of cursive and printing.

So last night as I was watching this video, I closed my eyes and it was just like she was standing in the room with me. I miss her voice. I miss her jokes. I miss her useless trivia about all things Wizard of Oz. I hate that she didn't ever get to see Wicked. I hate that I didn't ever get to discuss the book with her. But most of all I hate that my kids don't get to know her. Because she could read a children's book like no one else I've ever met.

Here's a pic of my grandma and grandpa. I'm pretty sure it's their wedding picture. And that's not my grandma's real hair. She never really knew what her natural color was. If she wasn't wearing wigs, she was dying her hair blonde. So it's comforting for me to know that there is still part of her here with me (I'm the same way. NO IDEA what the natural color is). Because she was so very awesome.

Now, I'm over the moping. I'm laughing at all the good memories and not thinking about the bad. It just really hit me last night how much of an impact she had on my life.

So who is YOUR impactor? Who is that one person that influenced you the most to become who you are today?

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Lack of sleep is SO not Glamorous

I think that the sleep thing is an issue for all of us. Because while the children are getting up at 5:00 in the morning, I am laying in bed at that same time, tossing and turning trying to get just two more hours eeked in. I think that the whole lack of sleep is a major contributor to my feeling like I want to just crawl in a corner and cry everytime something frustrating comes up with the kids.

Maybe it's the whole sleeping in a different place thing for them. I've been having trouble going to sleep. And I shouldn't be. I've never had trouble. My dad's bed is one of those Sleep Number (My number is 45) beds and every other time I've stayed, I've crawled into the thing and gone right to sleep. Only I haven't stayed here since the Big Breakup of '05.

See, now it's not my parents' bed. It's my dad's bed. My dad who has begun dating again. Which means ladyfriends that have stayed the night. Which also means there is most likely some. . .stuff. . .going on in that bed with women that I don't know (I've only met the official Girlfriend. There have been others before her) and that skeeves me out.

Add to that that last night I had a dream about The Ex and the same sort of . . .stuff. . .which made me so mad at myself that I couldn't get back to sleep even if I had wanted to and it all combines for one VERY tired Glamorous Redneck.

I HATE those dreams! You know, the vivid. . .stuff. . .dreams either with people you know or don't know (and usually AREN'T your significant other). They make it so I can't sleep at night because I feel horrible for even thinking those things in my sub-conscious mind. I know there's nothing I can do to control them and I also know that CB has them too (because HE TELLS ME about them. Seriously, people in relationships, there is such a thing as too much honesty. Some things are better left unsaid), but none of that helps with the guilt that follows me around for the rest of the day.

How about for you? Do you get all ickified by those dreams? Or do you just let it slide as one of those stupid things our psyche uses to drive us mad?

Monday, July 16, 2007

Week in a Nutshell

So hello! I disappeared for a while there, didn’t I? A brief rundown of what’s been going on:

Monday – Overtired and not feeling like blogging.

Tuesday – CJ had baseball playoffs. CJ saved the game and advanced their team when he caught a pop fly. He was so excited (as was the whole team)! I think I just might get a sport outta this boy yet!

CB had taken the day off work to watch because it was potentially their last game and he hadn’t been to one yet.

Wednesday – Another playoff game. CJ’s team won again. Rushed straight from game to work. They won again!

Thursday – Conference championship. Took the day off work because I wasn’t sure how long it was going to go. If they would have won, we would have had to get to another town for the Regional championship. We lost to a team that was undefeated, so the boys weren’t too upset. Took our time heading back home, stopping to play at parks and such.

Friday – Phone call at 6:00 AM (did you see that AM?!? No one calls that early unless someone’s died.) “Oh!” I think. “Must be time for [best friend, we’ll call Pam] to go to the hospital for baby!” So, I jumped out of bed, all excited. Here it was just one of the ladies from church calling to tell me that Pam and her hubby left for the hospital in the middle of the night and she needed someone to watch ½ of Pam’s kids today because she had to be at an orientation by 1:00 PM (did you see that PM? As in SEVEN HOURS after she called me?!?!?). I told her that I would check with Redneck Mom (she watches my kids on Fridays), however I would not be calling her until the humane hour of 8:00.

Had Pam’s girls at my house when her hubby called to tell them that their new little brother (this is #5!) was born. Can’t even begin to tell you how awesome it was to watch their little faces light up!

Saturday – CB & CJ went to a Cub Scouts day camp. Diva, Glamorous Mom and I had a girls’ day out! Started with a park excursion, then went to a Tastefully Simple party, then headed to semi-civ to shop and visit the new baby and family. They are all fantastic and new baby is PERFECT.

Sunday – Glamorous Dad is gone to San Diego for vacation. He left us the keys to the Jeep. We have been cruising all over town taking advantage of the lovely little Jeep Wrangler. It’s the closest I’ll get to a convertible in the near future, so we spent most of yesterday cruising around town. Love it!

Monday – Today I’m tired because Diva has been waking up at 5:00 in the morning. Cannot function on such little sleep. Need nappy.

Thanks for all the compliments on the new blog look! I promise I’ll be getting around to all of you in the next day or so. Today the kids are at VBS, so I’m working early. Which means we get our afternoons back. Which also means that I will be taking the monkeys to the pool to wear them out. Perhaps then they will not want to get up so stinking early in the morning!!!!

Friday, July 06, 2007

Ooo look at the pretty!

Do you love it as much as I do? Is it not the coolest blog design EVER?!?!? Did you see the little GR necklace on the uber-hot version of me up there? With the good hair? Zoe at Chic and Sassy Designs is the culprit behind my fabulous new makeover. And I totally love her for doing this for me!

It's amazing what little change can do for my mood. I'm all happy and excited and just keep sitting and staring at my blog. And for once, it isn't because I don't know what to write!

Also, I am officially child free! I just need to get through the rest of the work day and I'll be home free!

It's been so hot here and since our house was built in the stone age, and we have radiant heat (you know, the kind that just comes through little water thingies on the wall instead of vents?), the only kind of air conditioning that we have (or could afford since I do not think it's worth $20 grand to have the central air installed) is window air conditioners. Needless to say, when it gets hot like it's been, they don't work very well unless the area they are trying to cool is made as small as possible. So the kids have been sleeping on the floor in our room. CB would be just fine leaving the doors open and sleeping with the windows open, but I have never not had comfortable air conditioning and while I'm not very demanding in most aspects, I DEMAND to be able to sleep in temperatures lower than 80 degrees. So it will be nice tonight to not have to worry about stepping on tiny bodies in the middle of the night.

Hope y'all have a great weekend! :)

Thursday, July 05, 2007

All Messed Up

Two nights of fireworks + getting home way late + having to wake up early this morning = one very tired and very cranky Glamorous Redneck.

On Tuesday night, we went out to the casino and watched the fireworks get lit almost right next to us. They were huge and amazing and almost an hour long. By the time the parking lot cleared out, it was almost midnight. CB was mucho glad that he didn't have to get up at his normal 5:50 am.

Then yesterday we ventured the ten miles up the road to the Redneck parents' town. CB's dad was in the parade being honored as their "Artist in Residence", so the kids got to ride through the parade with him and throw candy.

I love the small town parades. I know that up in the cities most places don't allow you to throw candy anymore. And for as small as this particular town is (maybe 300 people. And that just might be exaggerating), they really do put on an awesome celebration. After the parade, we headed back to CB's parents' house for a barbecue. It was delicious. Then we came home and everyone but me slept for almost two hours. I went outside and weeded my garden, upon getting all the foreign weeds out, I saw that I have two little roma tomatoes on my one plant. This feels like a HUGE accomplishment! A plant in my care has survived long enough to produce the fruit it is supposed to! And it is not dead!

I also love the fireworks. They are the one thing from my childhood that still amazes me. It's insane how the people that put these together can figure out different chemical reactions to make such pretty colors and sparkles! There was even one that exploded in the shape of a star! Soo cool!

Today it's back to normal and CJ had a baseball game. I'm totally confused as to what day of the week it is. First I thought it was Monday, then Tuesday, now I'm excited because it's really Thursday! I think everyone should get a day off in the middle of the week. Every week. Makes everything go by so much faster. As long as I have a calendar nearby to remind me what day it is. . .

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Worst Cartoon Ever?

I was reading a little MSN article about the worst cartoons ever made. Granted, I knew before I even clicked on the link there were going to be some of my favorites on the list. When they listed Transformers, I was only marginally surprised. Pokemon did not surprise me one bit. Then I scrolled down and saw the one cartoon that ruled my Saturday mornings. The people who wrote the article claimed that Jem and the Holograms belongs on the list of worst cartoons ever. WTF? That cartoon RULED! I own(ed) practically every single doll they ever made. I had the stage, the car, Synergy, the works! I spent days on end being Jem. She was by far the coolest rock star of my youth!

Then they go so far as to say that My Little Pony and She-ra weren't any better. I'm sorry, but I look at cartoons today compared to the ones that I grew up with and I'm sad. Sad that they seem to need to stick such mature themes in them (like the wizardry and the destroying of everything and everyone) I miss the days of Muppet Babies and He-Man and She-ra. When cartoons were strictly entertainment for little ones on Saturday mornings. Granted there are some good ones today too, but nothing seems to come close to the stuff that we grew up with.

Maybe that's just part of growing up. I'm sure that Glamorous Mom would say that her cartoons were way better than mine were. So what do you think? Check the whole list out here and see if your favorite is on the list. Do you agree? Disagree? Discuss. . .

In other news, the spawn have redeemed themselves thoroughly. I went to get my haircut this morning and they played so nicely whilst we were there that I didn't hear a peep out of them. So, maybe I'll go pick them up on Saturday like I'm supposed to. Because the truth of the matter is that once it gets to be about 10:00 on the morning after they've left me, I'm kind of wandering around aimlessly and am lost without them. I almost feel guilty for needing to be away from them, but I remind myself that it's best for everyone's sanity if we all get a break every now and then. Because I do love my kids with all my heart and they are my whole world. Just sometimes need to unplug from the world on occasion.

And just when I finished typing that sentimental little tidbit they started fighting again with the classic "He's touching me!" "I'm not doing anything to her, Mommy."

Ahhh, the joys of summer.

Monday, July 02, 2007

I Got Nothin'

Evidently the kids aren't the only ones whose brains shut down for the summer. I seriously do not know what to write about. I'm over tired, suffering from sun overexposure (which when you are the same shade as a freaking bottle of baby powder, it doesn't take much), and am currently listening to the children fight in the other room.

I had always wanted to have my kids close together. My brother and I are 7 years apart, and so I felt like we had kind of missed out on the whole "bonding" thing. And CJ and Diva have always been very close. Lately, however, they've elected to show how much they love each other by seeing who can annoy the other to the brink of insanity first. Sadly, they are both winning because I am about to lose my freaking mind.

Over the past month of summer, it's gotten progressively worse. To the point where I have threatened to find another job so that they would have to have their sorry butts in daycare. Numerous times. Which is of course followed by choruses of "No, no, Mommy! We'll be good. We promise!" Bah. I have also threatened to skip town for the rest of the summer, leaving them solely in the care of their father. Which is the one that seems to have the biggest effect on them. If you go and ready Rockstar Mommy's account of her desire to get out of the house, you'll get a much more hilariously written account of the feelings I've been dealing with for the past two weeks. Thankfully, Glamorous Mom is taking these people away from me on Friday night. I might "forget" to pick them up until Sunday. Because there may or may not be multiple alcoholic beverages consumed on Friday night, and I may or may not dance the happy dance of joy for hours on end. Which may or may not lead to me not getting up until noon on Saturday.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Cowboys (sadly, no butts)

I was all gung-ho to get y'all some cowboy butt pictures. However, the digital camera is still a fairly new toy and CB decided to lay his claim on it for the night. And he's lots taller and stronger than me, so I let him have it. I do have some cowboy pictures, though:
I guess this one is SOMEWHAT of a butt shot.

Bronc rider gearing up to get out of the gate

Can we all say ouch? I don't know how those guys do that!

My favorite little cowgirl

And finally, my favorite cowboy of them all. Acting all "bad-ass" and "no, I will not smile for you, just take the damn picture you freak. What are you using this for?" Me:"Umm, myspace?"

So there you have it. Sorry, ladies, but it's the best I could do!

Monday, June 25, 2007

And back to normal we go. . .

I realized this weekend just how much I love our little town celebration. I love all the activity building up to it, and I love to see our little town bustling with hundreds of extra people. It's so much fun to watch the crowds slowly build and build and build until the big parade on Saturday afternoon. Then the final rodeo is put on Saturday night and the big fireworks and streetdance closed out the festivities. And then on Sunday, when all the cowboys have rolled out of town and everyone wakes up, it goes back to the sleepy little town we've become accustomed to. You're lucky if you see three cars pass on a Sunday afternoon. And on the Sunday after our little celebration, that decreases to one lone car driving down main street. A few highlights (and maybe lowlights) of the weekend:

-The rodeo was AWESOME! There were a ton of people and one of our local cowboys that's still in high school rode and scored with the big boys

-It didn't get nearly as hot as it was supposed to. In fact, I had to bring a jacket for the rodeo.

-Almost all of my very best friends were home and I spent Saturday night hanging out with them. I love my friends and I miss them all very much!

-My friend that I was a "special mom" for didn't win one of the royal ambassador crowns at the pageant, and I was more upset than she was. She's just fine with it.

-And finally, the best story of them all: The mini van got assaulted by a golf cart. I was driving down the road trying to get my friend to her house so she could change her clothes before the parade and a golf cart came out of nowhere and ran into the back of the van. I didn't stop because I figured a golf cart couldn't possibly do that much damage to a car right? Well, I was wrong and this is what I ended up with:

Needless to say, CB was pissed. Both at me because I hadn't stopped and at the random person that did it.

Later on in the evening, I was relaying the story to Glamorous Mom who started laughing uncontrollably and picked up her cell phone to call one of our friends. It turned out that the random golf cart assailant was none other than one of my darling twins that I babysat when they were five. I told her that if she didn't like me, she could just tell me instead of, you know, trying to run me off the road!

I'm glad that it was me though and not someone else. Because not everyone would react as if it were all a big joke. I took this picture for the sheer purpose of putting it in a frame for the poor thing.

Now it's back to normal boring life as we know it. And while it's a welcome break from the craziness, I wish it all would happen more than once a year.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

She's got the best of both worlds!

So after much searching, painting, and possibly some internal cursing, I do believe we've got the whole Hannah Montana deal figured out. I was trying to replicate the logo from the show, but then I remembered the whole "I don't know how to draw a straight line" and "I don't have the right colors of paint", so I instead decided to just print the darn thing from the lovely interweb.

Diva is very anxious for the parade tonight and I have successfully pissed off CB because I told him that he has to be there to support his daughter. God forbid we go out in the community and socalize! Oh, the humanity of it all!!! And why would I want him to be cheering on his daughter when he could be out fishing! Aren't I just the WORST. WIFE. EVER?!?!? lol Not really, and he's probably not THAT mad at me. At least I don't think he is.

So, I'm now going to attempt to get some work done. It's amazing how much harder it is to be productive when you go to work in the middle of the day. It takes most of my energy to just keep myself on task, let alone actually accomplish what I'm working on!

Wish me luck!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Mini Van moping and other nonsense

So I'm still not over the whole fact that, yes, I own a mini-van. And I've noticed something since I've been driving it: I get passed a lot more often. Like, a lot.

My car was a Taurus with a 24 valve DOHC engine. I don't know what all that crap means (CB has explained it to me, but all I heard was "blah blah blah FASTER blah blah blah") So, we call it the racecar. And it is fast. And I do not get to drive it very often anymore. But, when I did drive it, I NEVER got passed. Except when we were in the cities because those people drive 900 miles an hour and I am not as experienced at the whole Interstate experience as I would like to be.

Now, however, I am passed at least twice. And I'm only driving ten miles. In the middle of the day. This drives me crazy. I never always drive the speed limit, so I'm appalled that I am still getting passed by people. So what is it? Is my speedometer off? Or do people just think "ahh, it's just one of those law-abiding-soccer-moms, so I'll pass"?? < / rant>

In other news, this week is once again our town celebration. The one where all the cowboys come to town. Diva will be dancing downtown tomorrow night after the kiddie parade. A kiddie parade which we had all decided we were NOT going to be a part of. Until last night when Diva heard her dance teacher talking about making sure you get your clothes changed after the Kiddie Parade so that all the little darlings are ready to dance. Then all of a sudden Diva HAD to be in the kiddie parade. "Fine." I told her. "As soon as YOU come up with something you would like to be in the parade, I will be more than happy to call and register you." Partly because I was not feeling motivated enough to try and be creative about a theme, but mostly because I get too damn competitive and when my kids don't win I take it as a personal insult. So, for the sanity of all involved, we were not going that route.

But then this morning, she had a plan. Now we are rushing to put together a Hannah Montana costume. Luckily she got a really cool microphone for her birthday and has long blonde-ish hair (it'll work), so I just need to buy her some trendy looking clothes and make a sign to decorate the wagon that will supply her lip-syncing music (which I bribed CJ to please please, PLEASE pull for her).

So, I'm off to research our new favorite TV show for fashion ideas.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Memes because I am overtired and cannot think of anything interesting to talk about

I could not get to sleep last night, and today is the one day of the week where I actually HAVE to get sleep because I have to be at work by 8:30. So, I have nothing to entertain you with other than these fabulous memes I've been tagged with in the past couple of weeks.

First, courtesy of Mommy the Maid:

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was 17 and experiencing the best summer ever (for a high school girl) friends, The Ex, fun, and lots of good memories.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Dealing with the fact that my baby was soon going to be a kindergartener.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Cool Ranch Doritos
2. Caribou Coffee milk chocolate mocha ice cream bars
3. M & M’s (mostly peanut butter, but I’ll take any kind)
4. Carrots and Tostitos spinach dip
5. popcorn with Tabasco sauce

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:
1. Ice Ice Baby (Shut up! Do you know how many times I had to listen to my RECORD before I figured it out?!?!) by the one and only Vanilla Ice
2. Eternal Flame by the Bengals
3. November Rain ~ GNR
4. Freshmen ~ The Verve Pipe
5. Far Away ~ Nickelback

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Pay off bills!
2. Design and build a house exactly the way I want it
3. Have my loft apt. in NYC
4. Adopt 2 more kids
5. College Funds

Five bad habits:
1. Oversleeping
2. Not returning emails as promptly as I should
3. Playing stupid computer games
5. Forgetting to send cards/email/call people when I know they need to hear from me

Five things you like doing:
1. singing
2. Taking long car trips
3. going to Minneapolis
4. Flying
5. Tap!

Five things you would never wear again:
1. Layered slouch socks
2. Hypercolor shirts (seriously who wants to tell the whole world where you’re sweaty??)
3. Bicycle shorts with a T-shirt and a shirt clip
4. Suspenders
5. overalls with one strap not hooked (Totally keeping. Ugh!)

Five favorite toys:
1. My collector Barbies
2. the computer
3. Tassimo coffee maker
4. baseball mitt
5. football

Then, Courtesy of Jeannine

Eight Random Facts About Me

1. When I was about thirteen, I used to pretend to have either a British or Australian accent whenever I went out with my friends. They would then say I was their cousin/step-sister/foreign exchange student in town for a visit. This was usually just to get the guys.

2. I can recite the entire movie of Disney's The Little Mermaid by heart. Complete with musical interludes and everything. THAT's how many times I've seen it.

3. I can also make my nose sound like a ukulele.

4. Music is a huge part of my life. I'm constantly taking songs that I hear on the radio and applying them to my own personal movie soundtrack. Sometimes I hear a new song that will remind me of something that happened 10 years ago. It still brings back the old feelings and butterflies.

5. I love the nostalgia aspect of wooden roller coasters, but I absolutely cannot stand to ride on them. I get an instant migraine the second I get off.

6. I once saw a maintenance guy sitting on top of a roller coaster. We found out on the news later that night that he wasn't just sitting there and had actually been electrocuted and DIED right there!

7. I can recite the months of the year backwards just as easily as I can forward.

8. I used to sneak into R rated movies with my best friend when I was 12. We looked old enough to do it. Now, I constantly get carded because I STILL look 17.

I'm not going to tag anyone, but play along! Either in my comments or on your own blog. But make sure you let me know so I can come check you out!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

I'm Over It. . .

Today is a new day and I’m (mostly) over it. Basically what happened is my brother overslept and instead of my dad being rational, he blew up at my brother. So, my brother has decided to quit his job, quit playing baseball and is moving back to his college town two months early. It’s probably good for him because there’s nothing to do here but it just pisses me off when my dad acts so immature.

The worst part of it all is that it’s not my brother he’s mad at. He’s still mad at my mom and instead of dealing with it in a healthy way, he takes all his frustrations out on my brother. Plus he’s got a horrible temper. He’ll blow up and then five minutes later he’s like “well why are you so upset”. I know it. I lived it for seven years. He’s the reason I moved out of my parents’ house just a week after graduation. It’s also the reason I never went back.

So I don’t blame my brother for getting the heck out of there. I think he’ll do better with more opportunities and more friends back in Collegeville. I just wish it didn’t have to be that way.

In other news, CJ had his first baseball game today. They won 29-18. Granted they play a little differently in that 10 hitters go every inning whether they swing once or ten times and they’re all little. But CJ did awesome! He had good base hits and was scored in both of his times on base. I just might get a sport outta this boy yet!

Anyways, now I’m off to go cruise around in my brother’s much-cooler-than-my-mini van Chrysler Sebring. I keep trying to think of things to do before I have to switch vehicles because it’s so nice to be driving a CAR. With a moon-roof and everything (or maybe it’s a sunroof. I don’t know which one is which.)

Also, I’m joining the bandwagon of people who comment on their own blogs. I wasn’t doing it because I’m a COMMENT WHORE and need to know how much you like me! Lol But then I feel bad because it’s like y’all comment and I just leave the conversation open-ended. So be on the lookout for GR comments!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

No More Drama

I do not want to be the peacekeeper anymore.

I do not want my family to all call me after they have a blowout.

I want my parents back on speaking terms.

I don’t want to be the mature one anymore.

I want my dad to realize he’s slowly pushing everyone away because he cannot keep his mouth shut.

I want my brother to grow up and be responsible.

I want someone in my family to care about what they’re doing to ME and MY FAMILY instead of their own drama for five freaking minutes.

I want to rewind time to two years ago before all this crap happened and tell them all to grow up and get marriage counseling.

I want my husband to be more understanding when I need to vent about this stuff (I know he will be tonight and will apologize for the way he was this afternoon, but I still wish he would just GET it and take two minutes when I need him.)

But most of all, I want my real dad, the one that’s in California. I want to be able to curl up next to him and just cry. I want him to stroke my hair and tell me that everything will be fine. I want him to be able to be the dad that he wanted to be and can be now, except for the fact that he’s 2,000 miles away.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Hot in the city Country

We survived our first day of blasting heat. The outlook is bleak, however for the Glamorous Dad who DID NOT PUT SUNCREEN ON MY BABIES! Which has caused them to be sufficiently sunburned almost to the point of blistering. Needless to say I was LIVID. So, I will be lathering them up with SPF 982 to ensure that the blisters do not happen. Because I've had the blisters and they hurt like a mutha.

Evidently all the classes were really fun yesterday and we lucked out with the weather because it wasn't nearly as humid as it was supposed to be. But that sun was HOT. I was just outside this morning and it's actually quite pleasant out there. I just wish that the kids' outside activities were in the morning instead of at 11, 1, and 2. I'll just keep them lathered and hydrated.

I'm feeling like I'm really missing out on all the fun. Hopefully things at work will change in the next few weeks and I'll be able to actually watch some of the games and such. I am planning on taking this Thursday off to prepare for Birthday Insanity 2007. I'll be busy making fairy-sized cakes, stapling curling ribbon together for magic wands, and frosting cupcakes to look like toadstools.

I love all this party-planning stuff, and if I could do it for a living I totally would. In fact, the plans are sort of in the works for some friends of mine. And I think it would work because there are more than enough little girls in this town that would love a state-of-the-art party. So it's kind of exciting!

Now I'm off to drop Diva at her dance and theater classes, then tonight we're going to our first Cub Scout meeting where CB is going to be the Den Leader. It's so cute how excited my boys are about this whole ordeal. I'm just glad that it's started up again because CJ doesn't like the sports so much and needed something that wasn't PS2 to entertain himself with!

Monday, June 11, 2007

Back to Normal

So Redneck Sister is off to her summer job at a camp way up in northern Minnesota. And Foreign Friend is safely back in The Netherlands. Even though we miss them like crazy, I have to say that it was quite nice to be in bed before midnight last night.

It was, however, a highly eventful night. Diva and CJ started vacation bible school last night. So CB and I dropped them off there, then took a little walk together (it's nice to have my husband all to myself again too). Then the sky got really really dark and that icky green color that only comes when nasty weather is on it's way. Although we live in a valley where tornadoes are not supposed to happen, there was one here just 7 years ago (luckily we were out of town when it hit and our house wasn't damaged). That is still very fresh in my mind, so I was a wee bit panicked when the warnings actually interrupted a movie channel to tell us that there was severe weather.

We decided it would be much better on my paranoia if I had the kids with me, so we went and got them about a half hour early and headed over to my dad's house to hang out in the basement. See, we call our basement the dungeon because it's old and unfinished and there are lots of spider webs down there. Since my dad's basement is finished and equipped with a home theater system (with HUGE TV), we decided it would be better to spend the next two hours hanging out in his basement than in ours.

The warnings expired after 9:00 last night, and although we had torrential rains and high winds, there were no tornadoes that touched down.

When we headed home, CB and I decided to do what we do best when there is dangerous weather: Drive around and take pictures! While he didn't want to get up on top of the hill to take the really good pictures, we finally got out of town and this is what the sky looked like on the other side of the big old wall clouds that passed through:
Pretty, right? The other half of the sky was still black and lightening, but we thought this was just gorgeous.

Now the Summer Rec classes have started for Diva and CJ and of course it's 90 with 90% humidity. Wouldn't be proper otherwise. So I loaded them up with lots of sunscreen and water and am hoping they don't get too wiped out. I'm sure I'll have lots of good stories about their adventures in baseball, soccer, T-Ball and Theater!

Friday, June 08, 2007

Phrases I never thought I'd utter on our summer vacation. . .

. . .let alone utter multiple times:

-Diva, please do not sit on your brother's head

-No really, I'd be totally fine with staying home tonight

-Are you SURE you don't want me to just cook something here?

-Seriously, I'm TIRED of SHOPPING

-I don't feel like trying on any shoes today, thanks.

-I'm not having any fun spending money

-Do we HAVE to leave town? Again?

Thank goodness life gets back to normal next week!

Friday, June 01, 2007

School's out. For. Summer!

Yesterday was the last day of school for my little heathens darlings. Already they have been in trouble no less than three times. And I haven't been around them for more than a three hour stint.

I spent the last day of school treating myself and a friend who is visiting from the Netherlands to fun stuff like tacos and pedicures and Starbucks.

The pedicure was do DIE for. I can't remember the last time that I've had one, but I do believe it needs to be a monthly occurrence. Between the massaging chairs and the lovely minty foot scrubs, I was in HEAVEN!

The Starbucks was delish as well. I tried their new orange creme frappacino. It was pretty good, but nothing compared to the caramel ones that I love so much.

After all of that, we had dinner then headed over to my dad's to sit in the hot tub. It was a perfect end to a perfect day. Then Redneck mom came down to pick up Foreign Friend (she's staying with them. She was an exchange student with them 6 years ago.), enlightened us on all the drama that is CB's youngest sibling and blew it all to heck.

So, we have no plans for tonight, then we have two graduation open houses to go to tomorrow. After that, we're hoping that the weather cooperates so we can get FF out on the lake.

What are you up to this weekend?