Wednesday, November 29, 2006


I went out with a friend from High School this weekend, and it made me realize just how much I’ve changed in the past [almost] 10 years [gack. I am so old]. We went to “the” bar. Yes “the” bar. While there are two others in town, they are attached to restaurants, so don’t really count as a good old dive bar. “The” bar was having Karaoke, so I figured it would be fun as Friend is a fellow singer.

But we got there and I practically choked from the cigarette smoke. And the longer I sat there, the more annoyed I got. I haven’t been around that many people dropping the F-bomb as if it were breath since high school. I know everyone swears, and I tend to drop my own F-bombs every now and again. But there is a fine line between swearing because there is truly no other word that can express your particular emotion and swearing like a teenager who just learned their first big bad word. Everyone in that bar was on the latter side of the line.

So I left early and started thinking about something another friend had said to me recently. She had told me that she hates it when people change. This concerns me because I KNOW that *I've* changed in this insanely long amount of time. So was she saying it directed at me? Or does she not see me as changed and was just making a comment about someone else?

But doesn’t everyone change? Isn’t that a natural, healthy part of growing up? Because if I came across me at 18 now? I’d probably kick the selfish little brat upside the head.

Thoughts? Questions? Comments?

Monday, November 27, 2006

Achy Breaky Head

I think I'm coming down with [another] cold. It's been in the making since Friday afternoon, but seems to be culminating with the headache from Hades this morning. I spent most of yesterday sleeping on the couch (happens to be the most uncomfortable couch in the whole world, but it was free so there's that.), which resulted in my neck being out of whack.

So perhaps I have a case of never ending Turkey Hangover, but between the achy head, neck, and back I'm just not feeling like being at work today. I'm going to the chiropractor today, so hopefully two of three aches will go away.

However, in the midst of my napping (and turning off the Charger game because they were just plain pissing me off), I switched over to Hannah Montana for Diva. Have you all seen this show? And did you realize that it's Billy Ray Cyrus and his daughter? I had to do a double take because I just remember Paternal Cyrus in his mullet-sporting, line-dance-song singing glory circa 1993. And then I hated myself a little bit because I kinda like the show. Yes, as I've mentioned before, I will never grow up. But when I can find a show for kids that is actually entertaining to watch, I cannot turn it off.

It reminded me of a highly entertaining story from my very first experience with a good friend I like to call Rum and Coke. I didn't get to the point of puking, but I was drunk enough that I did not remember most of the night. My mom told me the next day that the highlight of the night was when I asked her how many hairs Billy Ray Cyrus had in the. . .errr. . .nether regions. She said that she could barely contain the laughter long enough to ask me why I thought she would know that. To which I responded "You like that stupid Achy Breaky song, so I just figured you would know." This is still a running joke to this day. So I can't help but chuckle every time I hear his name.

Now I'm off to find some good drugs to get me through the rest of the day.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Things I am thankful for:

My kids—They drive me insane, but when I wake up to the sound of them chasing each other through the house, giggling so hard that they can barely breathe, I realize I’m right where I’m supposed to be (well, that and the fact that THE LIST has worked wonders on our morning routine).

My husband—It’s cheesy, but we really do complete each other. When my sanity’s on the brink, he pulls me right back away from the ledge, reminding me that I am not a horrible mother and fixing whatever it is that seems to be driving me insane. I never thought that Happily Ever After was real until I started living it out. And of course there are spats and times when I want to strangle him, but when he hugs me and tells me it’s all going to be OK, I have to agree. (yeah, that’s enough sap outta me)

My job—I work for an incredibly family-friendly company. It has allowed me to work part time, basically setting my own hours. Which means that I get to spend more time with my kids. While this is probably a major contributor to the fact that I am in a constant state of frustration with them, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

My house—I hate it, and if someone came today and offered to buy it, I would cry many, many tears of joy. But I am thankful that I have a house. There are so many people in this world that have to struggle even for that, let alone a huge feast of turkey, potatoes, bread and pies.

My friends—Both online and in person, I have the GREATEST set of friends on this planet. Y’all are a bunch of smart, funny, snarky, entertaining people, and I’m grateful to have the chance to meet you every day on the interweb.

So what are you thankful for?

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Not the Mama!*

I didn't post yesterday because I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Have you (other moms) ever just had one of those days where you question whether or not you were really cut out for this whole mom thing? Because that's been me for the past two weeks! I wake up on the verge of ripping all my hair out and curling up in the fetal position and that verge doesn't go away until the kids are tucked safely in bed. A number of factors have contributed to this.

Mostly, I call it a severe case of Christmas-itis. You know the affliction, don't you? During the months of November and December, children all across the world become crazed with the notion of making lists of all the things they want for Christmas. The eyes glaze over, and attempting to talk to them about anything other than the Toys R Us Big Book results in blank stares and a whole lot of "What? I've never heard of that toy before. Can I have it for Christmas?" Followed by much internal screaming by the parental units when all they've said to the child is "It's time to go brush your teeth." Unfortunately there is no known cure for Christmas-itis, other than the actual day itself. The day after Christmas results in the normal, mild-mannered children that you are so accostomed to for 9 months out of the year (the other month is a different affliction I call Birthday-itis, with the same exact symptoms and cure).

Another thing has been the severe lack of listening on their parts. I have to tell them at least three times to get dressed every single morning. And we are constantly running out the door late. So thanks to CB, we have a new plan in effect. Each kid has a list of specific things they are expected to do before school, after school, and at bedtime. It's all very simple things like "get dressed" or "hang up your freaking backpack" or "brush your teeth" and so I don't think asking them to do these things without me telling them a million times is any large feat. We sat down yesterday after school and I explained all of this to them. And if they should make me tell them to do something, it results in losing their videogame time for 1 day/week/month depending on how many times I have to tell them. Both CJ & Diva seem to think this is an acceptable amount of expectation, so I informed them it would take effect this morning.

And when I woke up today, choirs of angels were singing! They were dressed! And fed! And happily playing together without incident. I breezed through my own morning routine and all but skipped out the door to take them to school! Now, if afterschool and bed time goes as well as this AND continues on for any length of time, I just might be the happiest girl this side of the North Pole. . .

*Anyone who can recall the show where a certain baby would say this will be forever on my cool list

Friday, November 17, 2006

I suck!

I swear I have one of the most uneventful lives on this here interweb. So I'm sorry if you've stopped by here expecting to be entertained. Because I suck!

Lunchie was good, conversation better. It was really good to catch up with my cousin because frankly? she ROCKS.

I did spend last night tweaking and re-writing a Christmas play I found online. Because we had bought this really cool play for our kids to do at church this year. We were excited because there are a lot of kids. Like 23 or so. But out of those 23, only 2 or 3 are actually willing to have speaking parts. SO when we tried to run through the play the first time (in the classroom, me their only audience), all I had was 20 very embarassed little children. Their faces were all red and they could barely carry out the actions, let alone try to speak. Needless to say, we had tossed the idea out the window.

But on Monday I came across a play that talks about Christmas around the world. It'll give the kids chances to be hula girls, mini-Steve Irwins, Angels, and Mary & Joseph. Without speaking! There are only 5 speaking parts (as opposed to the other play's 10+), and it should be pretty darn cute.

Only negative side is that I've been singing Mele Kalikimaka non-stop this whole week.

For my next post, I'm hoping to have something a little bit interesting, but I just don't know what to write about. Any suggestions?

Thursday, November 16, 2006


I'm still trying to recover from Tuesday night. I was far too crabby and tired yesterday to be able to tell you all how fantastic the play was. But it was AWESOME! Way better than the one I had seen in D.C. This one was the original Broadway adaptation--absolutely nothing like the movie but fantastic for all the same reasons.

Even better was the relatability factor. With Grease the movie, you have two pretty big name people in the title role. And you know them for the other things that they have accomplished outside of the character they play. But with the play, these people all looked like kids that went to my high school. Each and every one of them carried the character exactly how I had imagined them to be, only without that "big name" thing. It was awesome. And the food was to die for! We had a turtle cheesecake for dessert that literally melted in my mouth. I have NEVER tasted anything like that in my entire life! The only negative was the drinks. At first, I thought I'd be adventureous and try a Mistletoe Martini. It was pretty cool in theory--Vanilla Vodka & some other things that gave it a red and green look. And the drink was gorgeous. But it tasted like cough syrup. Nasty! SO then I went back to my new favorite--Cosmos. Because they are always good, right? WRONG! When that drink came, it was clear! Like no cranberry juice whatsoever! And again with the cough syrup taste. So I asked for a little bit more cranberry in it, and it came back with just a tiny little tinge of pink to the clearness. Bleurgh. But the food certainly made up for it.

Now I'm off to lunch with my cousin. I just happened to run into her yesterday whilst waiting for the kids at school. She's up from somewhere south (like Mississippi or something like that) for the week. And I know the drinks will be good because we'll most likely go to the coffee shop.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Odds & Ends

# of Days since Operation "Dammit I Need to Get Healthy--Again!" began: 2
# of ounces of water drunk: 76
# of trips to the bathroom: Too damn many to quantify

Now I remember why I strayed away from the whole "healthy" thing. When I drink my Coke (regular. Not diet) I don't have to go every five seconds. Now, the only thing I seem to get done is walk to and from the bathroom.

On the plus side, I'm increasing my step count. Yeah, I'm back to the pedometer. The goal is 8,000 steps per day this week. Yesterday and today haven't been going as well on that front, but I'm going to do really good the rest of this week!


I'm going to see Grease tonight at the Chanhassen Dinner Theater. Everyone whose ever been there for a play says I'm in for a real treat, so I'm SUPER excited. The last time I saw Grease, I wasn't as impressed with it as I thought I would be. But now that I'm older and get a lot more of the "adult" references, maybe I will.


I cut my finger last night. Bad. With a freaking butter knife. Actually, it was CB's fault because he was being stupid, but I'm the one who grabbed onto the knife. His response? Who gets cut by a BUTTER KNIFE? Well, evidently me, sweetie. Yeah. Hurt like a mo fo too. I told him I was going to turn him in for spousal abuse. He laughed & with the way the kids have been acting lately, I do believe this would be more of a vacation for him than it should be.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Realization of Humanity

So here's a funny story. . . I didn't get to sleep until about 3:00 this morning because I was scared I was having a heart attack. My left shoulder hurt something fierce and I had a little tingly sensation from my left earlobe down to my elbow. It freaked me the hell out. So I called the ER and they told me that it was probably a pinched nerve--nothing to be concerned with.

But when I woke up this morning, it still hurt, and I started to feel nauseous at work. This time I called the clinic, figuring I'd make an appointment for the end of the day. The receptionist kept me on the line until she could find a nurse, who then told me that I needed to be there right. now. I was at my other job, so I had to drive the 10 miles back to town so I could get to the doctor. They were concerned as to weather or not I was safe to drive. "I'm fine" I told them.

I drove 80 mph because I was *not* fine to drive. I was scared out of my wits. The whole drive, I could feel my heart in my throat and I was just crying and praying. Then I got to the clinic and felt like I was going to pass out in the waiting room. "Great" I thought "I'm going to freaking die in a waiting room."

I finally got into the doctor, who took my blood pressure and ordered blood drawn and an EKG. Then I had to wait. And wait. And wait some more. After about a half hour of worrying, he finally came back. Everything is normal (Praise the Good Lord). My blood pressure was a little high, but figuring the stress I was under for the hour before they took it, that was to be understood.

My orders were to come back in a couple of weeks and have my bp checked again. Other than that, I'm as healthy as can be.

But I can't tell you how insane that fear was. Fear that I wasn't going to see my family again. Fear that my kids were going to grow up without their mommy. Fear that I was going to miss out on so many more things over the rest of their lives.

So that's it. I'm on the workout plan hardcore next week. Because I will NOT make my kids grow up without their mommy.

Off to go hug everyone a little tighter. . .

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Hi Neighbor! I'm trying really hard to remain upbeat. One funeral was yesterday, one is tomorrow. All in all, it's been a long week for the kids at this high school. My heart is with them through all of this, but I'm trying to maintain life as normal as it can be.

And it truly is a beautiful day outside today! It's at least 75 gorgeous sunshine and a light breeze. Now, if it could be like this all the time (except for the week of Christmas, when it may snow 10 feet for all I care), I wouldn't whine about living here. But that would make my purpose in life disappear, and I would wither away to nothing. The negative side of all of this is the fact that the no-see-ums are out and about. And I forgot how much those little bastards hurt when they bite! If you don't know what they are, just thank the good Lord that you are safe.

I HATE the political season. It's kind of like Christmas--it starts earlier and earlier every year. Before we know it, the ads for the next president will start the day the first one takes office. But for as much as I hate the crap that leads up to Decision Time, I am OBSESSED with knowing the results. I tried to just go to sleep at my normal time last night, but my mind was racing with wonder. So I watched the news, only to see that the race for governer was essentially tied. This did not bode well for my mind. I can't go to sleep without the resolution, you know.

I got up, checked the stats, and was sufficently satisfied that Mike Hatch would win. Only to wake up this morning and see that our Tim Pawlenty rocked the house and won. The drama! The excitement! The sweet relief that this election is over and behind us!

I'm off to tap tonight, as is Diva while CJ is off to his little plaything. I started back into my workout routine (from which I'd abstained all summer long & was beginning to feel the effects in my pants button) yesterday, and my body is screaming at me today because of it. I hurt all over. So before tap, I'm going to douse my bloodstream with some Tylenol and hope for the best.

I've been working on getting a Glamorous Redneck store open over at Cafe Press. Only I suck at graphic design. Mostly because I don't own any of the Photoshop-type software. But, if I get this store up and running, would you be interested? Or would I be the only one buying a Glamorous Redneck thong? C'mon, be honest! :)

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Rock the Vote!

I'm going to go marginally PSA on your asses today, so hold on!

I'm not going to tell you who to vote for, because--well--I think there's only one person that stops here from Minnesota and so it wouldn't do any of us a whole lot of good. So if you don't know who the candidates are in your area or what they stand for (and are sick and tired of the freaking political ads) go to You can type in your ZIP code and get a list of all the people on your ballot. If you can't get in there (it was being really slow when I was checking the link), then just go to your state's website. There should be a link there where you can actually see the ballot.

You HAVE TO VOTE! That's all there is to it. If you are 18 or over and an American citizen, you have NO EXCUSE not to vote. Think your vote doesn't count? There are probably at LEAST 10, 000 people in your state that feel exactly the same way. And that, my friends, is a decision making number.

So go now. I'll wait. Besides, I still haven't uploaded pictures from this weekend, so I don't have anything interesting to say.

Except Vote. NOW.

That is all.

I'm Glamorous Redneck and I approved this message. *snicker*

Monday, November 06, 2006

Another One

I was all ready to tell you about our fantastic excursion to the Mall of America (MOA), until we got a call yesterday afternoon that ANOTHER area teenager died yesterday morning.

I’m in shock. That’s one from each class except this year’s freshmen at our high school. The school that I live right across the street from, and where my girls I used to babysit are now sophomores and juniors. I want to just sit them down and try talking to them. But I don’t know what good I can possibly do. They will bury one of their school mates tomorrow, and I don’t know that the news has entirely broken about this kid.

I see a lot of people just sort of shaking their heads. Wondering what is going on, wondering what else can possibly happen. The kids are wondering which one of them is going to be next. And the adults are wondering how they can help these poor kids cope with the loss of yet another young life.

The thing with all of this is that there just isn't a lot of death around here. You read the obituaries and they are mostly people over the age of 85. So for these kids to have to bury four of their friends in the past six months, it's just totally unheard of.

It makes me realize (and appreciate) how sheltered we are out here. This will all be front page news because it just. doesn't. happen. If there can be anything positive out of this it is 1) these familes are surrounded by an entire community that hurts with them and is going out of their way to care for them and 2) my kids will grow up in a town where violence and death is not a regular part of their day.

And I think I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: I am a fixer. I like to fix problems and make things as painless as possible for everyone involved. So the fixer in me wants to just go to all these kids and hug them. I want to tell them that these were all freak accidents and the important thing is to appreciate the people around you because you never know when the last time you see them will be.

So, if you pray, please pray for all these kids. Pray for their parents and the leaders in our community to have the appropriate words to say to give them the most comfort possible in this scary time.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Just for today

Our area has lost another young life. A Junior from the high school in my town was killed this weekend while—ironically—filming a pedestrian safety video. My heart hurts for that family. My heart hurts for the family of the poor girl behind the wheel of the vehicle. A girl that I’ve known since she was 11 years old. She’s got a long road of recovery ahead of her, and I can only pray that she finds strength in the outpouring of support and well-wishing from the entire community.

I didn’t take it into consideration, but after reading an article in the local paper, that makes 9 people under the age of 20 that have lost their lives in the past eight months or so. All of these deaths were freak accidents. Like the paper said, none of these kids were doing anything that parents normally warn their kids against. One was riding his bike, two were on their way to a family member’s house, and now this poor family has lost their son because he was trying to do a really good thing.

It’s amazing, really. Nine people wouldn’t seem like a lot in a bigger city, I suppose. But if you consider the fact that there are maybe 20,000 people in a 50 mile radius, that is a LOT of young kids dying. So much so that a Christian radio show gave a one night concert to the biggest city around here, which has lost the brunt of youth. Five kids in one month I believe.

The realization is making it really hard for me to feel like doing the blogging thing. Now, I’m not going anywhere, because really it’s stupid for this all to upset me as much as it is. I didn’t know the kids, I don’t know their families. The only thing I do know is that I cannot imagine having to bury my child. And that is what’s hurting my heart most of all. I put myself in those parents’ shoes and cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I know it’s there. I know it’s strong and just as bright as it ever was. I just don’t know that I would be able to see it through the tears in that situation.

So I’m a little somber at the moment, but it will end. And then I’ll be back in full force, commenting on all of your blogs too. I swear. I’m allowing myself today to be sad. Tomorrow brings a new day, and a fun day for the kids. So come Monday, I’ll be back with stories and possibly pictures of how we spent our weekend.