Monday, July 10, 2006

I Am Conflicted

I have wanted to write something since Friday. But I don't know what to say. While life goes on, and since I didn't really know the kid that died, I actually had a really good weekend.

So do I write about that and all the fun things I did? No, because if I do that, then I feel like I'm disrespecting the family.

Do I keep dwelling on the fact that a kid that I'm sure I at least saw at one of my brother's little get togethers is dead? Probably not, because it brings up too many sad things about the important people I've lost.

But the funeral was today at the high school. From what the Glamour Dad said, it was an incredibly sad time. I guess he was buried in his baseball jersey. The whole class got together before the funeral to spend some time together, then were all escorted in after the family. The bits and pieces that I've heard bring tears to my eyes. And I feel stupid for the fact that it hurts so bad. I can't explain it to those of you who live in a bigger area. This is a town of 3,000 people. So when something like this happens, it's almost like extended family.

So I think I'll allow myself this one last post to be sad. And tomorrow I'll try and move on. Just please don't ever think me disrespectful. Because like I said, life does move on. We will all grow and learn from this. But I still have a family. Two kids that don't understand what's going on and had waaaay too much fun passing out candy in a parade on Saturday.

But I'll get to all of that soon enough.


Big Sky Girl said...

*big hugs* babe. You know that I totally understand where you're coming from -- at least the small town part of things. If you want to vent or anything, I'm totally here!! Luvs!

Stacy Dawn said...

Time, sometimes it is the only thing.

wrigley said...

oh don't feel guilty. you have your own life. you can move on. just keep him and his family in your prayers.