Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The School Thing

So, BSG asked in the comments yesterday:
How much more school do you have left? Are you doing online?
Which means I actually have something to blog about today! As I'm looking at it now, if I work my butt off for the next two years, I should be able to get the actual school part done in that amount of time. Then I'd just have my student teaching to get out of the way. So, if I can do it I should be done in about two and a half to three years. But, it all depends on if I can handle going to school full time, working part time, and still taking care of my family without turning into Uber Bitch from Hades. It shouldn't be too terrible, because there's only one night a week where I'm not home right around the same time the kids are home, and that's only for one semester.

Once I get all the stupid generals I have to retake (8:00 classes should be illegal for College Freshmen because I don't know too many people who actually made it to that class. Which is why I'm redoing it now), the rest of the classes are going to be a cakewalk. I was going to go for Elementary Education, but after looking at the class list required for that and looking at the class list required for Secondary English Education, I realized that was where I needed to be. One of the classes I'm taking this semester is simply called Novel. There are eight seemingly awesome books that I have to read for that class, one of which is Pride and Prejudice. Books I've wanted to read, but have never really taken the time to do so. Further down the line are even more awesome classes like Shakespeare, Short Story, American Lit and countless other good ones.

I finally got into the syllabus for one of this semester's classes yesterday, and it made me a little nervous for what's to come. One of the assignments is a group presentation. What if I'm that girl sitting in the corner that no one wants in their group because they've all been together for the past two years and are all friends and WHO in their RIGHT MIND would want some old mom in their group? It totally feeds on old insecurities. What if nobody likes me? What if I suck at it all? What if, what if, what if?? It's ridiculous, I know, but I can't help but be a little afraid of what people will think of me. I've always had this inherent necessity for everyone to like me. And while it's gotten better, the feeling is still there, in the back of my mind, just waiting for an opportunity like this to rear its ugly head.

Do any of you ever feel like this? And if you do, how do you counter act it? I've been trying to remind myself that I'm not going to school to make friends, but it doesn't seem to quell the fear that I'll be THAT GIRL.

4 comments:

Heather said...

When I was in college, I loved to have the "older" non-traditional students in my groups. They could always worked hard and didn't waste time with unimportant gossipy stuff.

courtney said...

Pride and Prejudice is on my list of "to read" too. And not just the long fictional one of books I'll never actually get to--I own it. I love reading as an assignment. The perfect excuse to curl up in bed and forget the world.

I was and am ALWAYS afraid of being that girl. You have to remember though that if anyone is smart about it, they'll definitely want an "old mom" in their group because whether or not you've all had the same amount of school, YOU are the smart one. You're the one who has been responsible enough to take care of a real family, you're the one who has more life experience, and maybe it's hard to see now, but that's definitely going to come in handy. In the end, they'll love you for it. And I'm speaking from experience. When I was going to school in Bismarck I had a couple of classes with a couple of "old moms" and this was always the case. Totally worth having around.

You'll be fine. I have faith in you! :)

BSG said...

when i was in college i haaaaaaated non-trads for the most part. but you know what, as long as you are the cool Glam that we all know and love, you're going to be just fine. Because you're not a know-it-all bitch. Yay for you! :) but rest assured, i think we've all worried about being that girl. until i got into my upper division PR classes (basically senior year) i was always worried i wouldn't have a friend in the class -- there was always that "fat kid" insecurity of being picked last. so i totally getcha there. :) you'll be just fine. how's it going so far?

Stephanie said...

I honestly don't know HOW to get over it because i'm the same way. To an extent, I always find myself trying too hard, laughing a little too loud at jokes that aren't funny, and cracking jokes on myself to make everyone think I'm cool. I have plenty of friends, but I'm not good at all at making them first, most of the friendships I've forged have not been initiated by me, which makes me sad to think of all i've missed on other people.

When all else fails, comfort yourself in knowing they're a bunch of teeny boppers you probably won't relate to anymore, anyway. ;oD

BTW, I'm assuming your not writing much these days? I just had my third kiddo, so neither am I, but I still think about you! You did crack me up with your stories!