It was a beautiful day, much like it is now, only it was eight years ago. The sun was bright in a crystal clear sky. I stood on the front steps of the "big church" in our town, smiling until my face felt like it was going to fall right off of my head.
A little while later, I had a slight panic attack. CB's mom was driving me crazy with questions about making sure I'd done everything that needed to be done. So my mom locked the door. With just her, my very best friend, and myself locked in the family room, it all hit me. I was getting married. I had a child. Life was most certainly NOT going to be what I had dreamed it would.
I recovered, and stood at the back of the church with Glamorous Dad. He whispered that it wasn't too late. He'd give me two tanks of gas to hit the road and never look back. I laughed. Then the doors opened. I stood at the back of my church, holding on to my dad. All my very best friends stood in front, and many of my other friends sat in the pews. It was perfect. Not exactly as I'd dreamed it would be, but close. Was I making the right decision here? Was I sure he was Mr. Right? And then I saw him. Standing there waiting for me. And I realized right then and there that I was THE luckiest girl in the whole world.
Eight years later, as I reflect on everything that day was and everything that we've been through, I realize that it's still true. I have the most perfect man for me. Sure, the relationship hasn't always been perfect, but I was never under the delusion that it would be. But WE are perfect. He's the other half of my soul. We balance each other out. Where he's anal and perfectionist, I'm easygoing and just go with the flow. Where I'm impulsive, he's thoughtful. It works, and it's better than anything I'd ever imagined.
So, happy anniversary to my Country Boy. I love you more than words could ever begin to express.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Done & Back
So, I finished my first semester of being a college student in almost a decade. I ended up with two a's and a b. Not to shabby if I do say so myself.
Days are now spent on catching up on work that will be or has been missed (I'm venturing on field trips with the young'uns this week and was horrifically sick last week), recovering from said sickness, figuring out what I can do with the kids for the summer, and helping get our 10 year High School reunion in order.
Doing this gave me a little glimpse into a relationship my friend had with a boy. He recalled fondly warm nights doing things that I don't really need to know (he didn't mention them anyway). And I wondered if The Ex from high school ever thinks about me that way. If he were the poetic type, would he recall that night when we sat together for hours and talked about everything and nothing? Would he right all the rumors and tell me that he never said the things they told me he said? Maybe he would recall the weekend of his brother's wedding when he was everything to me. Or maybe it was all so ridiculously one-sided that I've lived in a fantasy for the past thirteen years. What then? Maybe it's better to hold on to the fantasy than to wonder what it would have been like to know it was real.
Ugh. Heavy for a first blog in almost two months. But that's where I am today. Letting go of holding on to a past that I've held with a death grip for oh so many years. Realizing that he never really was what I wanted him to be. And that all the things I wanted in him have been standing next to me in someone else for all these years. Not that it's gone unappreciated or unnoticed. But it's a realization today. He was never good enough for me because CB was just around the corner. Real and wonderful and everything I always wanted. We've been dating for ten years. And tomorrow we will have been married for eight of those ten. It hasn't been all that pretty or easy, but it's my own little fairy tale. Because even though we collapse in bed, utterly exhausted and sometimes having barely spoken, with the kids making us want to pull our hair out, I know I've gotten my Happily Ever After. And that's a real fairy tale.
Days are now spent on catching up on work that will be or has been missed (I'm venturing on field trips with the young'uns this week and was horrifically sick last week), recovering from said sickness, figuring out what I can do with the kids for the summer, and helping get our 10 year High School reunion in order.
Doing this gave me a little glimpse into a relationship my friend had with a boy. He recalled fondly warm nights doing things that I don't really need to know (he didn't mention them anyway). And I wondered if The Ex from high school ever thinks about me that way. If he were the poetic type, would he recall that night when we sat together for hours and talked about everything and nothing? Would he right all the rumors and tell me that he never said the things they told me he said? Maybe he would recall the weekend of his brother's wedding when he was everything to me. Or maybe it was all so ridiculously one-sided that I've lived in a fantasy for the past thirteen years. What then? Maybe it's better to hold on to the fantasy than to wonder what it would have been like to know it was real.
Ugh. Heavy for a first blog in almost two months. But that's where I am today. Letting go of holding on to a past that I've held with a death grip for oh so many years. Realizing that he never really was what I wanted him to be. And that all the things I wanted in him have been standing next to me in someone else for all these years. Not that it's gone unappreciated or unnoticed. But it's a realization today. He was never good enough for me because CB was just around the corner. Real and wonderful and everything I always wanted. We've been dating for ten years. And tomorrow we will have been married for eight of those ten. It hasn't been all that pretty or easy, but it's my own little fairy tale. Because even though we collapse in bed, utterly exhausted and sometimes having barely spoken, with the kids making us want to pull our hair out, I know I've gotten my Happily Ever After. And that's a real fairy tale.
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