Done & Back

So, I finished my first semester of being a college student in almost a decade. I ended up with two a's and a b. Not to shabby if I do say so myself.

Days are now spent on catching up on work that will be or has been missed (I'm venturing on field trips with the young'uns this week and was horrifically sick last week), recovering from said sickness, figuring out what I can do with the kids for the summer, and helping get our 10 year High School reunion in order.

Doing this gave me a little glimpse into a relationship my friend had with a boy. He recalled fondly warm nights doing things that I don't really need to know (he didn't mention them anyway). And I wondered if The Ex from high school ever thinks about me that way. If he were the poetic type, would he recall that night when we sat together for hours and talked about everything and nothing? Would he right all the rumors and tell me that he never said the things they told me he said? Maybe he would recall the weekend of his brother's wedding when he was everything to me. Or maybe it was all so ridiculously one-sided that I've lived in a fantasy for the past thirteen years. What then? Maybe it's better to hold on to the fantasy than to wonder what it would have been like to know it was real.

Ugh. Heavy for a first blog in almost two months. But that's where I am today. Letting go of holding on to a past that I've held with a death grip for oh so many years. Realizing that he never really was what I wanted him to be. And that all the things I wanted in him have been standing next to me in someone else for all these years. Not that it's gone unappreciated or unnoticed. But it's a realization today. He was never good enough for me because CB was just around the corner. Real and wonderful and everything I always wanted. We've been dating for ten years. And tomorrow we will have been married for eight of those ten. It hasn't been all that pretty or easy, but it's my own little fairy tale. Because even though we collapse in bed, utterly exhausted and sometimes having barely spoken, with the kids making us want to pull our hair out, I know I've gotten my Happily Ever After. And that's a real fairy tale.