It occurred to me the other day that I am sort of like the middle child here at school. Too young to fit in with the real "Non-traditionals" and too old to fit in with the whipper-snappers that are more concerned with where their next party is than "am I going to be getting myself any financial aid AT ALL next year?" It's an odd feeling, this middle child thing. I'm the oldest. Everything goes my way. I get the hard stuff so that by the time the wee little babies come around, it's a cake walk. So I kind of feel like I'm floating around in-limbo most days. Don't get me wrong, it's certainly not a bad thing. Just kind of. . .odd.
On the plus side, though, I've yet to fall again! And I do believe I've made some. . .erm. . .let's call them acquaintences. I really do have some super nice people in my education classes. The other classes seem to be full of people with the mindset that they are but robots, simply moving through the system. They don't speak to anyone unless directly spoken to. Or if they do speak, it's hushed little giggly whispers to the girl sitting next to them they've known since kindergarten. It makes it a little difficult to try and have discussions on things like Pride and Prejudice (Hello! Most awesomest book. EVER!) and The Remains of the Day (eh, not so much. He talks in proper British circles so that I have to re-read paragraphs many times. However, today in class it was a little better, so there may be hope. Now that we're like HALFWAY into the semster.
Now, I must be off. I have a short story that I need to get written. Creative Writing has been an awesome class for me! I haven't done any writing of any kind other than analytical essays in a very long time. So it's fun to get my little fantasy world back!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Embarassing Moments
It occurred to me that in my rash of tiredness, I forgot to tell you about my stellar first day as a student here at the college. I had put much thought into my back-to-school clothes shopping, and had obtained several outfits that say "I'm older than you, but not so old that my pants get pulled up to my chest." but also said "Because I am older than you, I will not try and dress like you, but I will look cute, dammit!" and so I was ready to go!
On the first day of school, I got up right when my alarm went off (at 6:15! An hour that was non-existant to me prior to this), did everything that I needed to do and was running perfectly on time. I got to my first class a couple minutes late, but that was due to the fact that I had not calculated the time it takes to get from my car into the building in my travel time. But I was feeling pretty confident.
After my first class was over, I had (and still have) about two hours to kill between classes, so I headed down to the "commuter's lounge" to eat my lunch. I wasn't even uncomfortable with the fact that I would be dining alone and actually welcomed the chance to get a head start on my reading. But, I made the stupid mistake of trying to text and walk at the same time. As I went down the little flight of TWO WHOLE STEPS, I misjudged my footing and ended up tripping down the last one. I landed flat on my face and hit my head on a table and chairs on the way down. Yes. I am AWESOME! I shook it off, and fortunately for me and my fragile ego, there was only three or four people that saw it. I pretended like it didn't hurt and made the comment "that's what I get for trying to do two things at once" and then sat down. I ended up with a minor bump on the side of my head that hit the chair, and a busted fingernail.
Stellar start to my first day, right?
Like I said, I am OH-SO-AWESOME!
On the first day of school, I got up right when my alarm went off (at 6:15! An hour that was non-existant to me prior to this), did everything that I needed to do and was running perfectly on time. I got to my first class a couple minutes late, but that was due to the fact that I had not calculated the time it takes to get from my car into the building in my travel time. But I was feeling pretty confident.
After my first class was over, I had (and still have) about two hours to kill between classes, so I headed down to the "commuter's lounge" to eat my lunch. I wasn't even uncomfortable with the fact that I would be dining alone and actually welcomed the chance to get a head start on my reading. But, I made the stupid mistake of trying to text and walk at the same time. As I went down the little flight of TWO WHOLE STEPS, I misjudged my footing and ended up tripping down the last one. I landed flat on my face and hit my head on a table and chairs on the way down. Yes. I am AWESOME! I shook it off, and fortunately for me and my fragile ego, there was only three or four people that saw it. I pretended like it didn't hurt and made the comment "that's what I get for trying to do two things at once" and then sat down. I ended up with a minor bump on the side of my head that hit the chair, and a busted fingernail.
Stellar start to my first day, right?
Like I said, I am OH-SO-AWESOME!
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Another run-down
I am tired. Tired of the political ads that are every other commercial every time I want to watch TV. Tired of Feeling sorry for poor Sarah Palin because the poor girl doesn't have a chance against all these big-time (and at some times extremely hostile) media peoples. Tired of getting up at 6:00 every morning. Tired of seemingly everyone I know (yes, I'm including YOU in here too, Missy! :) ) going to San Diego and it looks like my planned trip is disappearing by the moment (THANK YOU, crappy economy. Thank you so much for saving me from getting away from the frozen tundra in January. Lord knows I would have been miserable parked on the beach whilst everyone here was in their winter coats. You have truly saved my life.)
But! I am getting really good grades in school. I'm not quite sure how to react to it all. I haven't seen a report card with only A's and B's since I was in 7th grade (this was before I hated running and anything else that involved sweating and so I would get A's in P.E.). If this keeps up, I just might make the Dean's list. And then, I will be treating myself to something big. Not sure what it is yet, but it's gonna be big.
So, anyway, the real reason I'm posting is because there is a cool website that is giving away FREE purses for 24 hours in a couple of weeks. I looked, they are gorgeous. And I have not bought myself a new purse in a very, very, long time. Unlike some other people *cough* BSG *cough*. Even though I would really like to win, I also think it would be fun to at least KNOW someone who won. So go to here and enter. Even if you happen to be a boy reading this (really, does anyone even bother here anymore? It's not like I'm posting with any sort of regularity), what better way to surprise your significant other than a handbag that looks like you spent beaucoup bucks on it. I'm not sure about YOUR ladyfriends, but I know in MY house, my significant other would be rewarded handsomely for getting me a purse. So, go enter. Right now. I'll maybe blog again in another month. Or twelve. Whatever.
I am tired.
But! I am getting really good grades in school. I'm not quite sure how to react to it all. I haven't seen a report card with only A's and B's since I was in 7th grade (this was before I hated running and anything else that involved sweating and so I would get A's in P.E.). If this keeps up, I just might make the Dean's list. And then, I will be treating myself to something big. Not sure what it is yet, but it's gonna be big.
So, anyway, the real reason I'm posting is because there is a cool website that is giving away FREE purses for 24 hours in a couple of weeks. I looked, they are gorgeous. And I have not bought myself a new purse in a very, very, long time. Unlike some other people *cough* BSG *cough*. Even though I would really like to win, I also think it would be fun to at least KNOW someone who won. So go to here and enter. Even if you happen to be a boy reading this (really, does anyone even bother here anymore? It's not like I'm posting with any sort of regularity), what better way to surprise your significant other than a handbag that looks like you spent beaucoup bucks on it. I'm not sure about YOUR ladyfriends, but I know in MY house, my significant other would be rewarded handsomely for getting me a purse. So, go enter. Right now. I'll maybe blog again in another month. Or twelve. Whatever.
I am tired.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
The School Thing
So, BSG asked in the comments yesterday:
Once I get all the stupid generals I have to retake (8:00 classes should be illegal for College Freshmen because I don't know too many people who actually made it to that class. Which is why I'm redoing it now), the rest of the classes are going to be a cakewalk. I was going to go for Elementary Education, but after looking at the class list required for that and looking at the class list required for Secondary English Education, I realized that was where I needed to be. One of the classes I'm taking this semester is simply called Novel. There are eight seemingly awesome books that I have to read for that class, one of which is Pride and Prejudice. Books I've wanted to read, but have never really taken the time to do so. Further down the line are even more awesome classes like Shakespeare, Short Story, American Lit and countless other good ones.
I finally got into the syllabus for one of this semester's classes yesterday, and it made me a little nervous for what's to come. One of the assignments is a group presentation. What if I'm that girl sitting in the corner that no one wants in their group because they've all been together for the past two years and are all friends and WHO in their RIGHT MIND would want some old mom in their group? It totally feeds on old insecurities. What if nobody likes me? What if I suck at it all? What if, what if, what if?? It's ridiculous, I know, but I can't help but be a little afraid of what people will think of me. I've always had this inherent necessity for everyone to like me. And while it's gotten better, the feeling is still there, in the back of my mind, just waiting for an opportunity like this to rear its ugly head.
Do any of you ever feel like this? And if you do, how do you counter act it? I've been trying to remind myself that I'm not going to school to make friends, but it doesn't seem to quell the fear that I'll be THAT GIRL.
How much more school do you have left? Are you doing online?Which means I actually have something to blog about today! As I'm looking at it now, if I work my butt off for the next two years, I should be able to get the actual school part done in that amount of time. Then I'd just have my student teaching to get out of the way. So, if I can do it I should be done in about two and a half to three years. But, it all depends on if I can handle going to school full time, working part time, and still taking care of my family without turning into Uber Bitch from Hades. It shouldn't be too terrible, because there's only one night a week where I'm not home right around the same time the kids are home, and that's only for one semester.
Once I get all the stupid generals I have to retake (8:00 classes should be illegal for College Freshmen because I don't know too many people who actually made it to that class. Which is why I'm redoing it now), the rest of the classes are going to be a cakewalk. I was going to go for Elementary Education, but after looking at the class list required for that and looking at the class list required for Secondary English Education, I realized that was where I needed to be. One of the classes I'm taking this semester is simply called Novel. There are eight seemingly awesome books that I have to read for that class, one of which is Pride and Prejudice. Books I've wanted to read, but have never really taken the time to do so. Further down the line are even more awesome classes like Shakespeare, Short Story, American Lit and countless other good ones.
I finally got into the syllabus for one of this semester's classes yesterday, and it made me a little nervous for what's to come. One of the assignments is a group presentation. What if I'm that girl sitting in the corner that no one wants in their group because they've all been together for the past two years and are all friends and WHO in their RIGHT MIND would want some old mom in their group? It totally feeds on old insecurities. What if nobody likes me? What if I suck at it all? What if, what if, what if?? It's ridiculous, I know, but I can't help but be a little afraid of what people will think of me. I've always had this inherent necessity for everyone to like me. And while it's gotten better, the feeling is still there, in the back of my mind, just waiting for an opportunity like this to rear its ugly head.
Do any of you ever feel like this? And if you do, how do you counter act it? I've been trying to remind myself that I'm not going to school to make friends, but it doesn't seem to quell the fear that I'll be THAT GIRL.
Monday, August 18, 2008
A Summary of Summer
Mostly I'm just tired of seeing the snow from a couple of posts down. Seems like eons ago that it was THAT cold. We've been running like crazy people. It's been fabulous. A few points:
Community Ed Baseball - Diva and CJ both had crappy baseball years. Their teams one one game each. CJ does a good job, it just wasn't their year. Diva's team, however, was. . .well. . .it was very obvious that they were very young. Diva had more fun being a cheerleader--weather she was on the field or off the field--than she did actually playing. They were very glad when it was over.
Family Vacation - I had high aspirations for the Stimulus check. We were going to get back home to San Diego. Then the crappy oil cartel had to go all insane and the hop in gas prices kept us close to home. But we still made it to Duluth, which is waaaay up at the top of this state and we are waaay down at the bottom of it. But it was gorgeous and I want to live there now. Don't know how I'd feel about the frigity of the winter (the city is on Lake Superior, so it gets way more snow than we do, courtesy of something called "lake effect snow"). We had tons of fun, and are most likely going to make going up north an annual trip.
School - We're done with our back to school supply shopping. For all three of us. Diva has the same teacher that CJ had in second grade, and CJ has his first male teacher. They are both very excited for school to start. As am I. For them. These children need to be in school because I am seriously on the brink of insanity here. I start school a week from today. Not entirely sure how I feel about that. Maybe if I decide to start blogging more than quarterly, I'll have more thoughts on it.
The Olympics - Are addicting this year. Courtney talked about how great the events have been. I wanted to give poor Alicia Sacramone a big hug after the balance beam incident of the team finals. And that Shawn Johnson is just too cute for words. When you hear her talk, she's just so gracious and sweet. It's nice to see that there are still people in the public eye that it's worth kids to look up to. And that Michael Phelps? Holy hannah! That guy is insane! And also sweet. I just got done reading an article on the NBC Olympics page about a friendship he forged with a kid that eventually succumbed to cancer. That takes a special person. On top of all the medals, to hear that he's like that just makes him even cooler.
Now, on to the important factor of the games. The US may not be winning the most gold medals, but am I the only one noticing that we have the BEST LOOKING athletes at the games? Hooo, damn! That Ryan Lochte is enough to send my little heart into palpitations. And the boys in their tight swimwear? Insanity, I tell you!
So, that's all I've got. Off to watch all the Olympics that I've DVR'd over the past couple of days. Because while these have been the best games we've seen in as long as I can remember, I am the only one in my house with any sort of interest in the games. So, I have to watch them at very strange times.
Community Ed Baseball - Diva and CJ both had crappy baseball years. Their teams one one game each. CJ does a good job, it just wasn't their year. Diva's team, however, was. . .well. . .it was very obvious that they were very young. Diva had more fun being a cheerleader--weather she was on the field or off the field--than she did actually playing. They were very glad when it was over.
Family Vacation - I had high aspirations for the Stimulus check. We were going to get back home to San Diego. Then the crappy oil cartel had to go all insane and the hop in gas prices kept us close to home. But we still made it to Duluth, which is waaaay up at the top of this state and we are waaay down at the bottom of it. But it was gorgeous and I want to live there now. Don't know how I'd feel about the frigity of the winter (the city is on Lake Superior, so it gets way more snow than we do, courtesy of something called "lake effect snow"). We had tons of fun, and are most likely going to make going up north an annual trip.
School - We're done with our back to school supply shopping. For all three of us. Diva has the same teacher that CJ had in second grade, and CJ has his first male teacher. They are both very excited for school to start. As am I. For them. These children need to be in school because I am seriously on the brink of insanity here. I start school a week from today. Not entirely sure how I feel about that. Maybe if I decide to start blogging more than quarterly, I'll have more thoughts on it.
The Olympics - Are addicting this year. Courtney talked about how great the events have been. I wanted to give poor Alicia Sacramone a big hug after the balance beam incident of the team finals. And that Shawn Johnson is just too cute for words. When you hear her talk, she's just so gracious and sweet. It's nice to see that there are still people in the public eye that it's worth kids to look up to. And that Michael Phelps? Holy hannah! That guy is insane! And also sweet. I just got done reading an article on the NBC Olympics page about a friendship he forged with a kid that eventually succumbed to cancer. That takes a special person. On top of all the medals, to hear that he's like that just makes him even cooler.
Now, on to the important factor of the games. The US may not be winning the most gold medals, but am I the only one noticing that we have the BEST LOOKING athletes at the games? Hooo, damn! That Ryan Lochte is enough to send my little heart into palpitations. And the boys in their tight swimwear? Insanity, I tell you!
So, that's all I've got. Off to watch all the Olympics that I've DVR'd over the past couple of days. Because while these have been the best games we've seen in as long as I can remember, I am the only one in my house with any sort of interest in the games. So, I have to watch them at very strange times.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Blushing
It was a beautiful day, much like it is now, only it was eight years ago. The sun was bright in a crystal clear sky. I stood on the front steps of the "big church" in our town, smiling until my face felt like it was going to fall right off of my head.
A little while later, I had a slight panic attack. CB's mom was driving me crazy with questions about making sure I'd done everything that needed to be done. So my mom locked the door. With just her, my very best friend, and myself locked in the family room, it all hit me. I was getting married. I had a child. Life was most certainly NOT going to be what I had dreamed it would.
I recovered, and stood at the back of the church with Glamorous Dad. He whispered that it wasn't too late. He'd give me two tanks of gas to hit the road and never look back. I laughed. Then the doors opened. I stood at the back of my church, holding on to my dad. All my very best friends stood in front, and many of my other friends sat in the pews. It was perfect. Not exactly as I'd dreamed it would be, but close. Was I making the right decision here? Was I sure he was Mr. Right? And then I saw him. Standing there waiting for me. And I realized right then and there that I was THE luckiest girl in the whole world.
Eight years later, as I reflect on everything that day was and everything that we've been through, I realize that it's still true. I have the most perfect man for me. Sure, the relationship hasn't always been perfect, but I was never under the delusion that it would be. But WE are perfect. He's the other half of my soul. We balance each other out. Where he's anal and perfectionist, I'm easygoing and just go with the flow. Where I'm impulsive, he's thoughtful. It works, and it's better than anything I'd ever imagined.
So, happy anniversary to my Country Boy. I love you more than words could ever begin to express.
A little while later, I had a slight panic attack. CB's mom was driving me crazy with questions about making sure I'd done everything that needed to be done. So my mom locked the door. With just her, my very best friend, and myself locked in the family room, it all hit me. I was getting married. I had a child. Life was most certainly NOT going to be what I had dreamed it would.
I recovered, and stood at the back of the church with Glamorous Dad. He whispered that it wasn't too late. He'd give me two tanks of gas to hit the road and never look back. I laughed. Then the doors opened. I stood at the back of my church, holding on to my dad. All my very best friends stood in front, and many of my other friends sat in the pews. It was perfect. Not exactly as I'd dreamed it would be, but close. Was I making the right decision here? Was I sure he was Mr. Right? And then I saw him. Standing there waiting for me. And I realized right then and there that I was THE luckiest girl in the whole world.
Eight years later, as I reflect on everything that day was and everything that we've been through, I realize that it's still true. I have the most perfect man for me. Sure, the relationship hasn't always been perfect, but I was never under the delusion that it would be. But WE are perfect. He's the other half of my soul. We balance each other out. Where he's anal and perfectionist, I'm easygoing and just go with the flow. Where I'm impulsive, he's thoughtful. It works, and it's better than anything I'd ever imagined.
So, happy anniversary to my Country Boy. I love you more than words could ever begin to express.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Done & Back
So, I finished my first semester of being a college student in almost a decade. I ended up with two a's and a b. Not to shabby if I do say so myself.
Days are now spent on catching up on work that will be or has been missed (I'm venturing on field trips with the young'uns this week and was horrifically sick last week), recovering from said sickness, figuring out what I can do with the kids for the summer, and helping get our 10 year High School reunion in order.
Doing this gave me a little glimpse into a relationship my friend had with a boy. He recalled fondly warm nights doing things that I don't really need to know (he didn't mention them anyway). And I wondered if The Ex from high school ever thinks about me that way. If he were the poetic type, would he recall that night when we sat together for hours and talked about everything and nothing? Would he right all the rumors and tell me that he never said the things they told me he said? Maybe he would recall the weekend of his brother's wedding when he was everything to me. Or maybe it was all so ridiculously one-sided that I've lived in a fantasy for the past thirteen years. What then? Maybe it's better to hold on to the fantasy than to wonder what it would have been like to know it was real.
Ugh. Heavy for a first blog in almost two months. But that's where I am today. Letting go of holding on to a past that I've held with a death grip for oh so many years. Realizing that he never really was what I wanted him to be. And that all the things I wanted in him have been standing next to me in someone else for all these years. Not that it's gone unappreciated or unnoticed. But it's a realization today. He was never good enough for me because CB was just around the corner. Real and wonderful and everything I always wanted. We've been dating for ten years. And tomorrow we will have been married for eight of those ten. It hasn't been all that pretty or easy, but it's my own little fairy tale. Because even though we collapse in bed, utterly exhausted and sometimes having barely spoken, with the kids making us want to pull our hair out, I know I've gotten my Happily Ever After. And that's a real fairy tale.
Days are now spent on catching up on work that will be or has been missed (I'm venturing on field trips with the young'uns this week and was horrifically sick last week), recovering from said sickness, figuring out what I can do with the kids for the summer, and helping get our 10 year High School reunion in order.
Doing this gave me a little glimpse into a relationship my friend had with a boy. He recalled fondly warm nights doing things that I don't really need to know (he didn't mention them anyway). And I wondered if The Ex from high school ever thinks about me that way. If he were the poetic type, would he recall that night when we sat together for hours and talked about everything and nothing? Would he right all the rumors and tell me that he never said the things they told me he said? Maybe he would recall the weekend of his brother's wedding when he was everything to me. Or maybe it was all so ridiculously one-sided that I've lived in a fantasy for the past thirteen years. What then? Maybe it's better to hold on to the fantasy than to wonder what it would have been like to know it was real.
Ugh. Heavy for a first blog in almost two months. But that's where I am today. Letting go of holding on to a past that I've held with a death grip for oh so many years. Realizing that he never really was what I wanted him to be. And that all the things I wanted in him have been standing next to me in someone else for all these years. Not that it's gone unappreciated or unnoticed. But it's a realization today. He was never good enough for me because CB was just around the corner. Real and wonderful and everything I always wanted. We've been dating for ten years. And tomorrow we will have been married for eight of those ten. It hasn't been all that pretty or easy, but it's my own little fairy tale. Because even though we collapse in bed, utterly exhausted and sometimes having barely spoken, with the kids making us want to pull our hair out, I know I've gotten my Happily Ever After. And that's a real fairy tale.
Monday, March 31, 2008
DO NOT WANT!
Can someone get a hold of Mother Nature? Because I'm pretty sure she missed the memo on this whole global warming thing.Alternately titled: The Twins baseball season opens today. Someone please explain to me WHY they think they need an outdoor stadium?????
Friday, March 21, 2008
Hades, Thy Name is Snow
It's supposed to be Spring, right? I mean yesterday my calendar said that it was the vernal Equinox. So why, then am I getting bombarded with inch upon stinking white inch of snow today? It started at about 6 last night and it is still snowing now. CB says that we're supposed to get at least seven inches of the crap. So, the kids and I decided to make the best of it. Only two little children forgot their snowpants at school. Which meant *I* got to have fun in the snow all by myself. And I built a snow man. I call him Word to Your Mutha:
Note the tres chic baseball hat cocked to the side cuz it's hot like that. He has since been annihilated by a certain little boy who was repaid with an impromptu water war in the house.
Now I'm just hoping that the plows get out and do their jobs so CB and I can head to civilization and meet a certain Superstar for lunch tomorrow. We're staying in a super nice hotel and I will not have any children with me for two whole days! Well, a day and a half, but still WOOO HOOO! There are margaritas and glasses of wine with my name on them. If we can ever get out of Podunk.
Note the tres chic baseball hat cocked to the side cuz it's hot like that. He has since been annihilated by a certain little boy who was repaid with an impromptu water war in the house.Now I'm just hoping that the plows get out and do their jobs so CB and I can head to civilization and meet a certain Superstar for lunch tomorrow. We're staying in a super nice hotel and I will not have any children with me for two whole days! Well, a day and a half, but still WOOO HOOO! There are margaritas and glasses of wine with my name on them. If we can ever get out of Podunk.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Contemplations on the whole college thing.
Could it be? Two posts in one week? Will the Glamorous One be back to stay? Will I ever stop asking bizarre rhetorical questions? Only time shall tell. . .
Now that I've got almost a whole semester of college behind me, I feel like I can be contemplative on the whole process. I was thinking last night about all the hassle that friends of mine went through back when we were 21 and 22, them trying to decided where they wanted to start sending their resumes, me a mother of two working full-time at a job that I am still not entirely sold on. Both of the friends I was thinking of went into teaching. Both of them are STILL in school. They took a couple of years off to secure jobs, but are now in grad school, one trying to do it with her husband in grad school as well and a baby due any day now. The other doing it at a more convenient time, having come out of a marriage to an uber-ass that essentially cheated on her after a little under a month (yes MONTH) of marital bliss. So, I get what they are doing, and they get what I am doing.
The thing that scares me the most is that the things I thought daunting the first time I was in college (what if I don't get accepted to the Education program? How do I write a two page essay about why I want to do what I want to do? Am I organized enough to structure an entire day for kids that aren't mine? Am I PATIENT enough to deal with a room full of 20(+?) kids that are not mine?), are even more so now. Because I, like, care and stuff. I care that if I don't succeed at this, I'm wasting precious money that could have instead gone for my KIDS' college experience. I worry that I'm being selfish because there is going to come a time where this takes time away from my kids. I worry that they will resent the fact that I went back to school. Add these on top of the previous worries, and if I don't center myself, I'll drive myself crazy. So when I get those feelings of incompetency, I remind myself that I am doing really well right now. And that I know I am supposed to be a teacher. I know that I can connect with kids on a level that not a lot of people can (I contribute that mostly to the fact that I am horrendously immature and refuse to change). I KNOW that I can make a difference. I just don't always know that I can do what it takes to get to that point.
Another thing that I find interesting is how quickly I fell back into old habits. It didn't take me very long to remember how to ramble along in a paper to finally make it make some sense. Nor did it take me long to remember how to pick out the important pieces of a book without having to read every single page of it. Am I cheating myself? Maybe. But I'm also trying to break myself of it, which is why I'm glad that the classes I'm taking right now are Freshman/Sophomore level classes. They aren't as in-depth as the classes that are coming will probably be.
I'm looking at applying for the Education program at least by Spring semester, and if not then, for sure by Fall of 2009. That means I really only have 3 years to do this. To force myself to grow up in some ways, but still hold on to that "thing" that helps kids who have not the best parents come to me and be so excited to tell me that they lost a tooth (he's a little boy in Diva's class. Problem child extrordinnaire, but him and I clicked the last time they went on a field trip). And sometimes THAT's what scares me the most.
Now that I've got almost a whole semester of college behind me, I feel like I can be contemplative on the whole process. I was thinking last night about all the hassle that friends of mine went through back when we were 21 and 22, them trying to decided where they wanted to start sending their resumes, me a mother of two working full-time at a job that I am still not entirely sold on. Both of the friends I was thinking of went into teaching. Both of them are STILL in school. They took a couple of years off to secure jobs, but are now in grad school, one trying to do it with her husband in grad school as well and a baby due any day now. The other doing it at a more convenient time, having come out of a marriage to an uber-ass that essentially cheated on her after a little under a month (yes MONTH) of marital bliss. So, I get what they are doing, and they get what I am doing.
The thing that scares me the most is that the things I thought daunting the first time I was in college (what if I don't get accepted to the Education program? How do I write a two page essay about why I want to do what I want to do? Am I organized enough to structure an entire day for kids that aren't mine? Am I PATIENT enough to deal with a room full of 20(+?) kids that are not mine?), are even more so now. Because I, like, care and stuff. I care that if I don't succeed at this, I'm wasting precious money that could have instead gone for my KIDS' college experience. I worry that I'm being selfish because there is going to come a time where this takes time away from my kids. I worry that they will resent the fact that I went back to school. Add these on top of the previous worries, and if I don't center myself, I'll drive myself crazy. So when I get those feelings of incompetency, I remind myself that I am doing really well right now. And that I know I am supposed to be a teacher. I know that I can connect with kids on a level that not a lot of people can (I contribute that mostly to the fact that I am horrendously immature and refuse to change). I KNOW that I can make a difference. I just don't always know that I can do what it takes to get to that point.
Another thing that I find interesting is how quickly I fell back into old habits. It didn't take me very long to remember how to ramble along in a paper to finally make it make some sense. Nor did it take me long to remember how to pick out the important pieces of a book without having to read every single page of it. Am I cheating myself? Maybe. But I'm also trying to break myself of it, which is why I'm glad that the classes I'm taking right now are Freshman/Sophomore level classes. They aren't as in-depth as the classes that are coming will probably be.
I'm looking at applying for the Education program at least by Spring semester, and if not then, for sure by Fall of 2009. That means I really only have 3 years to do this. To force myself to grow up in some ways, but still hold on to that "thing" that helps kids who have not the best parents come to me and be so excited to tell me that they lost a tooth (he's a little boy in Diva's class. Problem child extrordinnaire, but him and I clicked the last time they went on a field trip). And sometimes THAT's what scares me the most.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Hey, remember me?
Remember how I used to, like, blog and stuff? And I used to see y'all out here on the interwebs and it was oh so much fun? Yeah, I do too. But life has interfered with my slacking capabilities as of late, so there has been no time for me to blog. However, I'm feeling somewhat witty today, so I figured I would give a rundown of life to date.
CB's job situation - CB got a new job with the people right here in Podunk. He loves it and they love him. He took a huge paycut, but has been on overtime since he started, and he's not driving 70 miles per day, which means we're actually farther ahead than we would have been had he not lost his job.
My School - Rocks! I've got two A's and a B right now. This is the type of mid-term report that I have not seen since--oh maybe--11th grade. The classes are pretty cool and I'm hoping and praying that I can just be a full time student come Fall.
Weight Loss Challenge - Going pretty OK. Our team is sitting steady at 11th place out of 43 teams, so I'm pretty excited about that. I've only lost 13 pounds, but have gone down two sizes in clothes, so that is awesome. I've had lots of fun buying a few new things--none of them over $20 because I LOVE winter clearance time!!!
Ummm. . .what else? That's pretty much it, I guess. Running the kids from place to place takes up a lot of my time too. CJ is doing basketball (I refrained from bursting into song when he said he wanted to do this.) and loving it (I just may get sports out of this child yet!!!). Diva is doing dance (as am I) and they are both in Scouts. Wanna buy some girl scout cookies???
So, we're pretty much busy every night of the week. Which is good because it's all fun stuff, but there are some days when something gets canceled, and I just want to cry happy tears of joy because I can put on my fabulously comfy sweat pants and stay in my nice warm house. It's been so cold here lately that it is impossible to even go from the house to the car. But yesterday it was gloriously sunny and actually above freezing! Today it's even warmer! Thank the Good Lord that spring is FINALLY on its way!
CB's job situation - CB got a new job with the people right here in Podunk. He loves it and they love him. He took a huge paycut, but has been on overtime since he started, and he's not driving 70 miles per day, which means we're actually farther ahead than we would have been had he not lost his job.
My School - Rocks! I've got two A's and a B right now. This is the type of mid-term report that I have not seen since--oh maybe--11th grade. The classes are pretty cool and I'm hoping and praying that I can just be a full time student come Fall.
Weight Loss Challenge - Going pretty OK. Our team is sitting steady at 11th place out of 43 teams, so I'm pretty excited about that. I've only lost 13 pounds, but have gone down two sizes in clothes, so that is awesome. I've had lots of fun buying a few new things--none of them over $20 because I LOVE winter clearance time!!!
Ummm. . .what else? That's pretty much it, I guess. Running the kids from place to place takes up a lot of my time too. CJ is doing basketball (I refrained from bursting into song when he said he wanted to do this.) and loving it (I just may get sports out of this child yet!!!). Diva is doing dance (as am I) and they are both in Scouts. Wanna buy some girl scout cookies???
So, we're pretty much busy every night of the week. Which is good because it's all fun stuff, but there are some days when something gets canceled, and I just want to cry happy tears of joy because I can put on my fabulously comfy sweat pants and stay in my nice warm house. It's been so cold here lately that it is impossible to even go from the house to the car. But yesterday it was gloriously sunny and actually above freezing! Today it's even warmer! Thank the Good Lord that spring is FINALLY on its way!
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
2008 Has to be Better, Right???
Fun Ways to spend the last days of 2007:
Win $100,000 on a scratch-off ticket
Travel to NYC and be there when the ball drops
Travel to Las Vegas and watch the crazy man clear a 322 foot cycle jump
Be in Minneapolis and spend New Year’s Eve toasting your very best friends
Not Fun Ways to spend the last days of 2007 (aka how I spent them):
Have husband be informed that he will no longer have a job sometime within the next 4-6 weeks
Have one vehicle’s transmission slowly dying, the other one refusing to start, and the other one leaking oil of some sort (2 of the three are now fixed, but still)
Wait ever so patiently for the rest of 2007 to be over so you can just get OUT of this madness for the love of all that is Good and Holy.
So, the car and van have been fixed. The truck’s transmission has been crapping out slowly over the last three years (the fact that it’s 14 years old and has 230,000 miles on it *might* be a contributing factor, but you know), so we’re just hoping it doesn’t crap out any time soon. And I have been constantly alternating between the mantras “Please, God, only one thing at a time” and “I am trusting. Everything’s going to be just fine”.
CB has a meeting today with a company right here in Podunk, so we’re feeling cautiously optimistic. It would be nice for him to work in town after spending the better part of the last eight years driving at least 30 miles round trip. The last two has been 70 miles round trip.
I’m also doing the weight loss thing for real this time. I’m on a team with three other people (We’re the Rockettes! So fun!), and there’s a community-wide weight loss contest. What’s the prize? $1,000! Which means $250 per person to buy new clothes after all the weight comes off. Sounds awesome, right? And if the money won’t motivate me to do it for real, I am not sure what will!
So, I’m being Miss Always-Look-At-The-Glass-Half-Full and saying that 2008 is going to be a year of awesome change. New job for CB, school for me, healthier eating habits for all of us, and who knows what else is in store?
What are you most looking forward to in ’08?
Win $100,000 on a scratch-off ticket
Travel to NYC and be there when the ball drops
Travel to Las Vegas and watch the crazy man clear a 322 foot cycle jump
Be in Minneapolis and spend New Year’s Eve toasting your very best friends
Not Fun Ways to spend the last days of 2007 (aka how I spent them):
Have husband be informed that he will no longer have a job sometime within the next 4-6 weeks
Have one vehicle’s transmission slowly dying, the other one refusing to start, and the other one leaking oil of some sort (2 of the three are now fixed, but still)
Wait ever so patiently for the rest of 2007 to be over so you can just get OUT of this madness for the love of all that is Good and Holy.
So, the car and van have been fixed. The truck’s transmission has been crapping out slowly over the last three years (the fact that it’s 14 years old and has 230,000 miles on it *might* be a contributing factor, but you know), so we’re just hoping it doesn’t crap out any time soon. And I have been constantly alternating between the mantras “Please, God, only one thing at a time” and “I am trusting. Everything’s going to be just fine”.
CB has a meeting today with a company right here in Podunk, so we’re feeling cautiously optimistic. It would be nice for him to work in town after spending the better part of the last eight years driving at least 30 miles round trip. The last two has been 70 miles round trip.
I’m also doing the weight loss thing for real this time. I’m on a team with three other people (We’re the Rockettes! So fun!), and there’s a community-wide weight loss contest. What’s the prize? $1,000! Which means $250 per person to buy new clothes after all the weight comes off. Sounds awesome, right? And if the money won’t motivate me to do it for real, I am not sure what will!
So, I’m being Miss Always-Look-At-The-Glass-Half-Full and saying that 2008 is going to be a year of awesome change. New job for CB, school for me, healthier eating habits for all of us, and who knows what else is in store?
What are you most looking forward to in ’08?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
