Springtime, the only pretty ring time. Birds sing, hey ding!

Some signs that spring has sprung up here in Podunk:

-The last little corner of snow that stayed in my yard has officially disappeared!

-The dead grass that CB left to get too long last fall stands out like an elephant on a motorcycle what with all the pretty green stuff sprouting up underneath.

-Dandelions have made their presence known in many a yard

-The weather has held a 60 degree high day and an 80 degree high day. In the space of a week.

And my favorite signs that Spring is here:

-CB has started yet another (and final big project! Yay!) remodeling project that will not end. He has been threatened with bodily harm if this one is not done in a month.

-When the kids have spent any amount of time under trees or in long grass, they must strip so as to make it easier for me CB to check them over for ticks.

-I have my first official mosquito bite. Oh the joys.

Back in My Day. . .

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much things have changed since I was a kid. And the fact that so much has changed in such a short time just blows my mind. Just think:

1987: Cars were considered top of the line if they came from the factory equipped with a tape deck. Average cars were sold with an 8-Track.

2007: Cars are considered top of the line if they come from the factory equipped with a 6-disc CD changer. Average cars are sold with a single CD player

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1987: When you were the secretary at the office, you spent most of your day hunched over a typewriter, praying that you typed everything right so that you didn’t have to start all over again.

2007: The secretary at the office spends most of his/her day staring at the computer screen, general knowledge of spelling and grammar has gone down the toilet thanks to a little thing called spelling/grammar check.

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1987: The Barbie on everyone’s Christmas list was Executive Barbie (you know, the one that had a reversible three piece suit that changed for her evening date with Ken) or Doctor Barbie. Girls aspired to be those things and every girl wanted to grow up to be the first woman president.

2007: There aren’t Barbies on everyone’s Christmas list. It’s Bratz. The shorter the skirt and the darker the makeup, the better the doll. Executive and Office Bratz are unheard of. More fun is Genie or Sleepover Bratz (skimpy outfits of course). Girls aspire to be those things and most girls want to grow up to be the next Paris Hilton or Mischa Barton.

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1987: Songs were mostly about love, partying and heartbreak. Sexual innuendoes were there, but concealed enough that a seven year old would not pick up on them.

2007: Songs are mostly about sex, partying and hookups. Sexual innuendoes are so obvious that if I’m not careful, I have a five year old asking me what “sexy” is.

Can you think of any other things that have changed so drastically in the past 20 years?

Five more Glamorous Questions

Courtesy of The Superstar:

1. How has having children changed your life? Sheesh, it would be easier to answer how they HAVEN’T changed my life! I love more, I cry more, I laugh more, my patience gets tested more and I worry about the future more. They took my perfect little unorganizedly-organized world and turned it all upside down. And I love every single second of it!

2. If you could choose one place to raise your family other than the place you are now, where would it be? (you can't say that Podunk is Perfect and you wouldn't choose any other place. That ruins the fun!) I would NEVER say that Podunk is perfect. There are good and bad things about living everywhere. And even though San Diego is home and I would love for them to experience the childhood I was given out there, if I could pick ANYWHERE to raise them, I’d pick Northern Virginia. There is so much history out there (most of it within a two hour drive from where I lived when I was there) and I think you get a greater education from actually seeing things like the Civil War battlefields and the Holocaust museum than you can get from any old classroom textbook.

3. What is your movie guilty pleasure? Something you should never admit to watching much less loving... but you're going to anyway? ;) Hmm. . .that’s a tough one because pretty much every movie that I love has a severe cheese factor. The first ones that come to mind are the Princess Diaries movies. But, suffice to say that if you know of a movie that absolutely tanked at the box office, odds are that I own it and may or may not cry at the end of it. *ahem*

4. If you could pick one person in your life who has had the most influence on you and who you've become, who would it be and why? Probably my grandma. She taught me how to appreciate everyone, love unconditionally, get down on the floor and play with you kids (or grandkids), keep a grip on your passions (the ones that are your own, you know before Mr. Wonderful came along), and live each and every day like it’s your last one here on this earth.

5. What is that one song, that no matter where you are and what you're doing, you have to stop everything, turn it up, and sing at the top of your lungs, dancing along? Oh boy, you’re really trying to embarrass me with this one, aren’t you? ;) Music is so huge in my life that it’s more like a group of songs from stages in my life that make me crank up the radio (like 80’s Hair Bands from driving to the beach with my mom) (or SWV / Mary J. Blige / Boyz II Men from 7th grade rollerskating on Saturday nights) (or Nirvana from my 8th / 9th grade grunge phase). But if I have to pick ONE song, it has to be Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer”. It’s stupid, I know, but you have to know the story: I remember putting on a concert for our parents with my apartment friends at 5 years old, playing a footstool for a drum, BEING Bon Jovi, and lip-synching to that song. Every time I hear it, it brings me back to that time. The awesomeness of innocence and youth. Long before things like moving, divorce, or death had stripped away all of that.

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So there you have it. Five more things about me that you probably didn’t need to know. But seriously, I would blog every day if I had fun questions like this to answer! I’ll extend the offer again, that if you want to be interviewed, just comment here and I’ll come up with some questions for you!

The Reveal

You know, I haven't even talked about how fantastic our weather has been lately. Just two Mondays ago it had snowed--again--and it was freezing cold out. Now, the crappy sub-par temperatures have melted away into glorious spring days. We've spent every extra moment outside enjoying it and on Tuesday CB and I bought a decent sized grill to replace the little Hibatchi charcoal grill we'd been using for years. He's so very happy that I'm pretty sure he teared up a little.

These season changes remind me of just how much I love living in this state. Every crappy winter day makes me appreciate these awesome spring days even more. I love the way the seasons melt together before fully becoming their own. And I love the anticipation of the next season coming. Even though I hate winter with a fiery passion, I can't help but fall in love with that very first snowfall, or the way that it sparkles on the ground at night. And I hate humidity almost more than I hate winter, but those lazy summer days spent at the lake or having water balloon fights in the lawn are irreplaceable. So, I take the good with the bad, and try to remember why I love each and every season.

Now, the pictures. Here's the before (me trying to look pathetic. I'm all "Hello, not so Glamorous right now. Am much more Redneck. Plz fix.):
And then, 45 minutes and a whole lotta styling products later, the after:
Do you know how hard it is to take a picture of the back of your own head?!

Like I said before, I LOVE it. Only I don't know how to do it myself! I'll have to play more this weekend. So what do you think? Cute, right? :)

Can You Hear Me Now?

I’m starting to get a complex. I’ve emailed like three different people in the space of the last few days and haven’t heard anything back from any of them. Add to that a couple of other phone calls I’ve made that are unreturned and you’ll see the beginnings of the complex. Did I really contact these people? Or was it just that I dreamt about calling them or emailing them and then didn’t do it (which has happened before)? Am I in some freaky bubble where nothing is real and I’m left without any contact to the outside world????

In other news, I went through with the haircut. I’m at work now, though so no pictures for you. But I’ve been getting nothing but raving compliments on it from everyone I’ve talked to, so YAY! I feel like I was on my own mini-version of What Not to Wear (seriously someone NOMINATE ME for the damn show. I can take the criticism. I promise. K thx). Except I’ve still got the same crappy clothes and no new makeup. And I didn’t get to have a reveal party or go to NYC. OK, so maybe it was more like just a mini-makeover. I had to come home and re-do my makeup because I needed to look like a rockstar. Now, if Stacy and Clinton will just come knock on my door and sweep me off for my new wardrobe, my life will be complete.

Also, I happened across this incredibly, insanely funny website courtesy of Amalah’s post about her cat. So, if you’re looking for some procrastination (and are either in a room alone or with people who will understand random bursts of laughter), head on over to I Can Has Cheezburger. It’s freaking hilarious.

Update:I just went to I Can Has Cheezburger and they're down for a couple of days. SO don't go there today. But totally bookmark it. :)

Guilty Pleasures

So I have a little confession to make. I am obsessed with ABC’s Dancing with the Stars. I know it's odd and no one else that I've talked to watches it (other than my mom, which says a lot about the demographic that probably does watch it. Perhaps I need to frequent bridge clubs to find someone to discuss with.).

AI didn’t do it for me this year (mostly because I’m boycotting in support of my awesomely talented friend The Superstar was passed over by stupid AI producers who don’t know talent when they see it.), so I have turned all my obsessions to this fantastic show. Plus I may or may not still harbor a crush for the hottie that once was known as Steve Sanders. Ahem.

It’s been so long since I’ve actually “had” a TV show. In fact, I can’t think of one since Friends and Sex and the City ended. Because those were the last two shows that made me pause my whole entire life until they were over with. And now, thank you interweb, I don’t have to pause. I can procrastinate at work whilst watching last night’s episode on line.

But I do have a problem with the stupid results show (any results show for that matter). I HATE how they drag the whole thing out way longer than it needs to be. I despise the guest singers and the pointless pimping of their new albums. The best part of the DWTS results is Jimmy Kimmel and his dance partner/custodian Guillermo demonstrating one of the dances for the next week. I die laughing each and every time! Really, they could do all of this in 10 minutes or less. And I know it’s all about the $$$$ and exposure for the network, but it still bothers me.

In other news, I’m finally getting my haircut today. Like, getting a “style” so it’s not just nothing like it is now. Stay tuned for before and after photos. Unless it really sucks, which you’ll know because I’ll go all Britney and shave my head. I will, however, have much better taste in wigs.

5 Questions

I saw this meme over at Mr. Fab's blog and I couldn't resist getting a chance for the Fabulous one himself to interview me. The following questions are what I got:


1. You have lived most of your life in California and Minnesota, two states not known for rednecks. So what's with the moniker?

The moniker comes from a little inside joke that some friends and I have about living out here. It’s a tiny little town that completely shuts down on huntin’ opener and it’s completely acceptable for kids to miss a day of school (by kids I mean about half the male population and several of the girls) in order to drive “up north” to kill Bambi.

The Glamorous part of my name is the part that suits me. I’m a big city girl. Always have been, and no matter where I live, I always will be a big city girl. I’m all about Old Hollywood, and the high class associated with it.

So I’m my own oxymoron. (For a more detailed description, go here: Why Glamorous Rednek?)

2. You were born during the Year of the Sheep. Does that qualify for discounts on wool?
I was? The plates at the Chinese restaurants always tell me I was born in the year of the monkey. And no, as far as I know it does not give me discounts on wool (nor did being a monkey give me discounts on bananas)

3. When the alien overlords come down and begin pulverizing us with giant metal hammers, what will be your argument to them for letting you live?

Will they even FIND me out here? I don’t know, I’m cute? Because only I will be able to explain both small and big city life to their scientists.

4. You live in Minnesota. Doesn't it creep you out living that close to Canada?

Not too much. The only thing that freaks me out about living up here is the accent. Seriously it’s the weirdest sounding accent in the entire country (well, except maybe Boston’s)

5. You have a boy and a girl. Which gender do you think it is easier to raise?

Boys are definitely easier than girls. Not to say I don’t love both of my kids equally, but when it was just CJ, I was like “Psssh, this parenting thing is easy!” Then Diva came along and brought all the chaos and the drama (Oh, the DRAMA! Everything is the END. OF. THE. WORLD.!) that comes along with having a little girl. I’ve been told that as they grow up, things kind of flip flop.

But then I look at me & my brother and it’s completely opposite. I was easy (this is according to my mom, not just my own assumptions) and my brother is a pain in the arse.

However, the general consensus in conversations I’ve had with other moms seems to be that, yes, boys are easier than girls.

Wanna Play?

Just leave me a comment saying "Interview ME!" and I'll either email or post on your blog 5 questions. Then let me know when you've got it up so that I can check out your answers. :)

My First Car

Eleven years ago—right around this time—my grandpa called my mom to let her know that he’d found a car for me. When Mom hung up the phone with him, she told me the news and told me that it was a Bug (that’s what Grandpa had said). “Woo Hoo!” thought I. I’ve always loved Volkswagen Beetles, so I was ecstatic at the thought of getting one of my own. He told Mom that he’d be home in a couple of hours & we could come take a look at it.

However, when I got there, I found this*:



Which is not this:

“What IS this thing?” I fumed to the adults.

“Well, I guess it’s a Chevy Chevette,” replied my mom.

This did not a happy Glamorous Redneck make. Not only was it NOT a Bug, but it had 4 doors! Like a family sedan! Gack! I will so NOT be cool when all my friends see this. Plus, I’m a Ford Girl (make fun if you must but YOU WILL NOT CHANGE ME), so the fact that it was a CHEVY was enough to make me hurl. And on top of all of it *I* had to pay my grandpa $500 for this POS.

“Whatever,” I finally answered. I mean it WAS a vehicle. It did give me freedom to not rely on my parents for transportation anymore, so I was game.

I came to learn that this was a car with character. When I was finally able to get my license (in July, not January because of when I had to take driver’s ed), I wasn’t allowed to take the stupid thing out of town. It would randomly do things like flood when I stopped and just quit running as I was driving down the street. Worst of all, only one of the speakers—which happened to be in the back on the passenger’s side) worked. I basically told everyone that I was NOT paying for this car anymore unless they fixed it for me (seriously I have NO IDEA where Diva gets her flair for the dramatic). My dad thought he could fix the stereo problem, so one Saturday afternoon he took it all apart, only to find that he couldn’t fix it, and had instead killed the entire system. I was livid to say the least. So, I stole his little radio from the garage and planted it in between the driver’s seat & the passenger’s seat.

I don’t remember why, but my mom finally decided to let me drive the car out of town. When I was about 10 miles out, the speedometer quit working. Like would not move from 0. And I drove it like this for almost a year without being pulled over! Then the horn stopped working. THEN I was in a hurry one day and didn’t realize I’d already turned my blinker on & ended up breaking the blinker thing-y off, so I had to jam my thumb up inside the steering column to use my signals. It sucked.

When winter came around (yes, this was all in the first 6 months of having this car), I gave up on the thing and told the parental units that I was not driving it anymore, and they would either have to let me take their car or they would have to play chauffer. I figured this would get me a new one because I worked at a bakery & had to be to work by 4:00 on Saturday mornings. My plan was foiled and instead of getting a new car, they just paid to get all the things wrong on the ‘Vette fixed. So I was stuck with it.

I drove the car (which my friends and I had dubbed “The Stylin’ Black Bug” or “Bessie” depending on how she was behaving) until the June after I graduated. Then my parents upgraded their car & I got their old one.

But that was an awesome first car, not without it’s good memories (like going into a ditch backwards and having two drunk guys have to pull me out) (or locking my keys in the car and having The Ex come and break into it for me). And it has made me fully appreciate the cars that I’ve had afterwards. Now, I almost wish we would have held onto it because it got awesome gas mileage and would have made an awesome beater car for CB to drive to and from work.

So, what was your first car? Did you love it? Do you still have it?

*(also, let us discuss for a minute the hideousness of this fashion choice. I call it "2 grunge 4 U" my entire wardrobe from 1994-1996 consisted of various colors of this outfit. Oh, and one skirt, which was totally hot. Also, do you see the skinniness? I want to strangle 16 year old me and say "You WERE skinny, you FREAK! Now wear some damn girl clothes! I should also discuss the hair, which I had dyed a month before this picture and had been green for awhile before it faded. And I do believe I had just gotten off work & so my hair was matted down from all the donut grease.)

She's baaaa-aaack!

SO it’s been just over a month since I last posted, and I was debating whether or not to even do this again. Do I want to get back into the blogging thing? I guess I never *really* stopped because I was still checking all the blogs over ----> there. I just don’t have anything of importance to write about. There is not much of interest going on in the casa de Glamorous. We’ve been filling our time with dance practices, school informances (basically a spring concert, but only your kid’s grade. So instead of going to one thing for three hours to see your kid sing for two minutes, you have to go to two things to listen to your kid and his/her classmates sing, dance, and play xylophones for a good half hour. Still not sure if I like this or not.), and drooling over my rockstar of a husband. He made his debut two weeks ago at church and he’s all over it now. Next he wants to tackle the lead guitar. And then I will pass out and die because holy Hannah, I am married to a flipping GUITARIST!

I found out that I have an under-active thyroid, so I’ve been on drugs for that, which—hello!—I didn’t realize I needed because everyone kept telling me it’s normal to feel as tired as I did with two kids. I thought they were foolish because yes, when you have two kids under the age of two it is entirely acceptable to be totally and utterly exhausted all the time. But when they are almost 8(!) and 6(!), there is no excuse for needing 10 hours of sleep each night. I was also unaware of the whole “cranky” kick I’d been on, until I read the symptoms to CB and he was like “Uh, yeah. Ya think?” OK, so maybe I’ve been a little on edge. But! The drugs! Are good! They make a less cranky/tired/puffy Glamorous Redneck. In fact, I wish I’d known about this 6 months ago when I started not fitting into my jeans (which are now falling off! Huzzah!). I might not have committed to trying to train with overactive friends that are going to run a half marathon. Of which I participated in two days of their training before I was like “Now I remember why I hate running. So good luck with that. I’ll cheer for you on the sidelines!” Because I hate the whole “exercise” thing. I don’t do well with “sweating” or “achy legs” or any of those sorts of things. Unless it’s fun, which is why I love dancing so much.

Also on a slightly interesting note, The Ex may be coming back into my life. I got a completely random email from him on Friday and after being an ass and assuming the worst of him, found out that his family is relocating back to the area. Since then I’ve been kicking myself for being a jerk because I’m the Annoying Optimist. It’s my job to assume the good in everyone until they prove otherwise. But I’m excited to get to know him & his family and can’t wait for our kids to hang out!

So, that’s about the extent of my life. I make no apologies for not being here for the past month, because I think it was the break that I needed. I’ve got more history to review, if for nothing else than for me to have it written down when I’m 80 so my great-grandkids can find this website and be like “damn, the Glamorous Great-Grandma was COOL!”